You are such a cry baby!

A single day at work was adequate for me to realise that I cannot take this. I just don't have it in me. Nope! I don't!

I cannot work! I was looking for an internship and applying here and then there and then everywhere. Haye! The market is so saturated, just getting an internship has become a tough nut. How would it be like to find a job- Don't even want to think about it. Uh. Tsk. Tsk. Let me tell you something- I just realised that the entire country is being run on a "source". God! You need a source for everything. What the hell happened to the "chiriya" named merit? Anyways, so I got into an audit firm. Sigh. Don't even ask how the experience was. I walked in to the office in the morning and left in the evening deciding in my heart never to return here again. Audit Firms are SO boring! B-o-r-i-n-g! The people who work their are not people. A day's trip to a firm scraped off my hardened bruises and made me repeat the same old sentences for a zillionth time. "Mein yeh sab kion kar rahi hon. Why am I studying this. It is not meant for me. Kis manhos ghari mein I chose this field. Et cetera." What makes me sad is the fact that this is going to be a life long regret. And you know, what makes it even sorer? What augments the soreness is the fact that even though I hate what I am doing but I have to pretend otherwise in front of others (except for a handful of people). This one time only, I am finding it very hard to accept that I have messed up- messed up the most important decision of my life. Ch!

Anyways, I have also realised that I am not tough enough. I am not job material. I cannot work, as I have already mentioned. I cannot. My office was near I. I. Chundrigar Road and the area was terribly crowded with vehicles, people and buildings. I am not used to these hustling bustling crowds. I did not even have friends. I am not used to being alone. While I was in the office, I felt like crying. My eyes did become teary a couple of times for absolutely nil reason. Can you believe that? I felt homesick. Stop rolling your eyes. *frowns* I said I am not that type. Even I did not know I was such a chiriya-hearted person. I have made a shocking discovery! I, A. H., am a wild, crazy, outspoken, whimsy, carefree, etc person only and only inside my comfort zone. My comfort zone refers to my home, my entire family, a few close friends. My world's pretty small, huh?  So, yes, the moment I step out of this zone POOF! You will not find a person graver than me. Chiragh le ker dhondne se bhi nahin milega! *smiles*

My first day was terrifyingly eventful. It was Monday. While me and BJ were on our way back home, we were stuck in an awful traffic jam and then we found out that riots had broken out because an MPA was shot. We got home so late ami jani and everybody were worried sick. But thanks God we did. Around 32 people were killed. I cannot narrate how tense I felt. For some idiotic reason all the streets lights also were switched off and the roads were spookily dark and empty. Sigh. Where is this country going? What happens to the innocent blood that has been shed? Where we do go from here? Floods, Storms, Lightning, Plane crashe, Target killings... What's next?

(Allah saa'in please forgive all of us for we have erred and erred again.)