Memories and the need for parental control

How are you to inhibit your own self from reminiscing and cherishing certain memories of yours?

That's insane- flipping crazy, I tell you.

If only it was as easy as putting parental controls over apps or channels. Or I could just put them under a lock and key and then throw the key into a lake.

... I just hope I don't go crazy enough to jump into the lake later on looking for what I hurled in there. Let's just scratch the second idea; that'd be too dangerous- even for me.

What are we talking about here, again?

I tend to lose focus too quickly. Blame it on the shortest attention span ever- yes, why not!

Wait, where are my specs... oh wait, I have specs?  Lol.

Sighs.

I don't know who am I distracting, you or myself.

*shakes head*

P.S. Guess the world's not coming to an end then, eh? Too bad.

Haye Shaam...

Aay ghairat-e-Maryam tera bazaar mein jana
Na bhool sakay ga issay ta-hashr zamaana

Haye Zainab-o-Kulsum ki chhinti hain rida’ein
Jao aray lougo'n mere Ghazi ko bulana

Tu dukhtar-e-Zehra hai nawaasi hai Nabi (SAWAW) ki
Sar nangay tera Shaam ke bazaar mein jana

Ab khaak pe soye gi Sakina teri kaisay
Tha tu ne sikhaaya ussay seenay pe sulana

Mar jaa'yn jo shouhar tou panaah dete hain bhai
Kubra kahan jaye na raha koi thikaana

Uthti nahin baba se teri laash Ali Akbar
Tha tu ne he baitay mere laashay ko uthana

Aay ghairat-e-Maryam tera bazaar mein jana...

I ate a furry white kitty, I think.

There used to this little kitty... a white furry kitty.

I ate it.

*annoyed*

No, I didn't. That little baby used to sneak into my home through a little opening in our door. She used to  hide under my mother's bed usually. And, then I had to take her out of there and leave her outside after of course cuddling with it. It was so fluffy and adorable, I could've hugged it to death.

I saw it in the afternoon it. It is now a fully grown cat. It was so great seeing it after all this time. It's still as soft. I hope it remembers me. I knew recognized it instantly. It has always had two different coloured eyes. One slightly pink-ish, the other a little blue-ish. Funny kitty. Itna bara hogaya hai. *smiles*

Sighs.

...

Is anybody out there tonight?

*sulks*

Foreigners

I want to write how I feel, or what I feel- even if nothing. But it doesn't come to me anymore.

Words are now very foreign to me, and I to them.

Chum-chum

Chum-less tonight.

Gruph is... we're not... I don't know- our diplomatic terms aren't at their best these days. It's my ego this time. But! Even if I decide to put aside my ego, she'd still be too tired or busy to listen to my rants.

The Sloth... feels probably just a little overwhelmed by all the troubles that I dump on it. It resigned (or not, may be). I don't know, but I accepted its resignation as my shrink tonight. Sloth said it wanted to be a Porsche test engineer, and wondered what it was doing in finance and being a shrink. I was offended.

We're not technically in finance, so to speak. Hmph. And, where did shrink-ing come from. I thought we were friends. *really cross*

*sad face*

Fofo is... busy getting married.

Massi and arw are busy attending her wedding functions.

There! That was all I had in the name of friends.


*shakes head*

I'm really sad now. And, angry!

Funny when...

You're really upset, and you hail at a person by calling out their name only and not a single word more, and you hear...

'So, what kind of trouble did you get yourself into this time...?'

...

It's that how-in-the-heavens-did-you-know moment. Kind of makes you forget your troubles momentarily. True story.

Chums are a bliss, when they are there.

Sighs.

Those brief moments of bliss (and agony)

When you smile the heartiest of smiles one moment, and cringe with pangs of remorse the next.

Remorse... because a voice inside your head admonishes you and condemns you for reminiscing those memories with joy. You are, but supposed to lament upon those moments with regret, my love.

Moments that supposedly are not allowed to nestle in the warm niches that you've decorated for dainty sweet memories, but to be treated as memories that are to be sent to an exile. 

You are not expected to rejoice those moments, my dear. You are to repent upon them, as on cardinal sins.

I don't follow how it works... How can existence of things that paint a blissful smile across your face possibly be so painful at the same time?

'Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you...'

Shehenshah-e-Wafa

Assalaam'alaika Ya Abul Fazal Abbas Alamdaar...

Why is this the one of the most favourite of all phrases that have ever been uttered by this lowly tongue... I can never reach a conclusion.

There's always a sudden surge of bliss that runs down this ignoble soul of mine for some reason.

~

Naubat bajji, sajji woh khayaloun ki anjuman

Paida hui jabeen-e-takhaiyul pe ik shikan
Bikhri shafaq ki mouj main dhul dhul ke her kiran

Pehna uroos-e-waqt ne ghairat ka pairahan

Ubhra hai maahtaab jo “Umul Baneen” ka

Milta hai asmaan se muqaddar zameen ka

Allah rey bachpane mein yeh Abbas ki phaban

Angrraiyoun mein gum hai qayamat ka baa'nkpun

Tewar hain shookh shookh tou chehra chaman chaman

Ankhain shafaq shafaq hain tou zulfain shikan shikan

Abbas kibriya ka ajab intekhab tha

Tifli mein bhi Ali ka mukammal shabab tha

Mayaar mein urooj tou kirdaar lazawaal

Guftaar mein tha nutq-e-imamat ka har kamaal

Raftaar mein woh azm ke mehshaar bhi paimaal

Chehray pe woh jalaal ke yaad aye Zuljalaal

Abbas karbala mein who johar dikha gaya

Boorrhay bahaduroun ko Ali yaad agaya

Abbas ouj-e-haq bhi guroor-e-anaam bhi

Azbar tha jisko mas'haf-e-haq ka kalaam bhi

Husn-e-furough-e-sabar-o-naseer-e-imam bhi

Bhai bhi tha, musheer-e-safar bhi, ghulam bhi

Abbas bandagi mein who aaqa nawaz tha

Shabbir fakhar kartay thay, Zainab ko naaz tha

Jiski jabeen ke bal se zyada na thi furaat

Virsay mein paagaya jo shuja'at ki kaainaat

Qadmoun ki thoukaroun se lipattay thay moujzaat

Muthhi mein Buturaab ki haibat ke hadsaat

Abbas ka waqar qayamat ki cheez thi 

Sabr-o-raza ghulam, sharafat kaneez thi

Har simt haadsoun ki sinanen garri rahin

Nazrain faraz-e-arsh-e-barin se larri rahin

Pa'oon ki thoukaroun mein rakabain parri rahin

Kabze mein zulfiqar ki nabzain arri rahin

Har shab ke dil mein jiski chamak ka hiraas tha 

Abbas woh azeem sitara shunaas tha

Morning!

How do you think it would feel to live each day of your life in regret, in remorse?

Come to think of it, I've been doing that ever since, what was it... 2008, yes. (It wasn't so bad before that.)

Made the wrong decisions, took the wrong turns. And all that for what, peanuts? Hah.

I was never my priority. I wish I had cared for myself a little more than I cared for others.

I never wanted to burden someone, and I compromised on myself.

Looking at S just makes it all the more worse. She just makes the impact of my self-inflicted remorse so much more intense. I come to realize what a fool I've been.

Had I only been a little more selfish. Had I only been somwhere on my own priority list.

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And again....

I feel tired.

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Truth and other twisted things...

Only lately, I have realized how hard it is to be honest... And how convenient a lie can be.

Weigh the pros and cons of revealing a truth with that of concealing it with a lie... I'm afraid I don't see how a lie may hurt you albeit, I actually know how much power a truth holds to harm you.

People aren't generous. People don't forgive. They don't forget either.

Honesty- What good is it anyway? Satisfies your conscience, and just that? And what of that life-long trust that you might lose in this noble endeavor of trying to hold up high your conscience's head, by confessing a mistake with honesty?

I don't know but, perhaps hurting your conscience with a bit of remorse is a lot easier to take than the agonizing pangs of distrust...

Call me immoral, my principles twisted, it does not matter. There's only a limit to the agony I can bear. I would rather trade honesty than buy more hurt for myself.

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'Up' the memory lane, or something...

What not have I lost? Thoughts, words, sanity, ability to distinguish those silver linings, and so much more. I've almost lost count.

Sighs.

Do you hear what I hear?

Do you hear yourself?

... Then I hope you can also listen to the absurdity underlying your speech.

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Change of address

http://sunkeeann.blogspot.com/

Dear who-ever-you-guys-are,

Please note by, that the blog will be shifting to the afore mentioned blogspot address by... err... wednesday, I guess.

Blogger is weird though. It's not as easy a process as it seems- changing blog address, I tell you. 

P.S. This would hopefully end all the MIA games that I've been playing lately. It'll be sad if I lose any of you nice people during this transition, though.

Reversion

For the time being.

Very soon- Sunkee shall be the new 'Outlandish'.

P.S. is the hint too obvious, or is it even enough on the contrary? =P

P.P.S. don't want to lose all you nice oompa loompas out there, actually.