DAMN YOU ISRAEL!!

The Giant Night Bulb

It is a beautiful night. As the entire area is drowned in darkness (courtesy: KESC) I realise how exquisite this night is. The giant night bulb hanging up in the sky lends its borrowed silver light to this sleeping land. It embraces everything that it can and gives it a surreal glow. The calmness of night is shattered into a thousand tiny pieces by the fierce wind that blows. The wind wildly pounds against the windows and creates ripples in the silent lake of the night. Yet, all of this is so serene- to me. The wind brushes my tresses and whispers into my ears strange words in an alien language. However, it makes a smile crawl up my lips.

This city never sleeps, does it? There is still traffic on the roads. A few cars rushing on the deserted roads every now and then. Motor cycles and trucks passing as fast as they can, piercing the silence of the night. I even  hear some crows cawing. I guess even they are having issues luring themselves into sleep like me while the rest of the world is temporarily dead.

I am feeling ecstatic. I am happy for no apparent reason. I have stayed up this late after quite a long time. But I am alone. I am alive while the rest of the world has sold their souls to slumber for yet another night. However, there must be some exceptions. A girl who is awake and whispering to the man on the moon. A man standing in his terrace and staring up at the sky and smiling for reasons known to him only. Someone knelt down in front of his Creater, trying to convince Him how much he loves Him and seeking His mercy for he has sinned. Someone raising her hands up to the sky yet again and beseeching her Lord  for that one particular wish, just like every night. The trees that happily dance with the wind as it sways from one tree to another like a philanderer. The stars that twinkle as they blink there eyes, trying hard not to fall asleep. And the moon...

"Will you get me that giant night bulb down in a cage, please? It looks so alone up there..." 

All in a day's work...

I cannot turn more red from embarrassment. Another entry that successfully made to the "Most Embarrassing Moments List" and trust me, this one is "top of the line". 

ONE SHOULD NEVER BE TOO NOSY

So this is what happened. We were randomly chatting when my cousin's phone beeped. He made a joke about it but did not check his phone for the message and I came up with mischief in my mind. I asked him to hand me his phone. He said no. I insisted. He resisted. But finally, my insistence superseded his resistance and he handed me his phone and in exchange I handed him the glass(which by the way was the reason why he gave in). Alas! I wish he had not given in to me.

I forced him to blurt out his security code which he surprisingly did. I suppose he did not have anything to hide OR perhaps (and more likely) it was another dumb day for me. I wish I had not read his text message. But it was spilt milk, my crying would have been in vain. The moment the message opened was the moment I realised my foolishness. There was just a delay of nanoseconds between my action and the resulting qualms.

I did not read the entire message but just a couple of words caught my eye and made my realise how dumb have I been. It was some kind of bakwaas joke. All my shararat went down the drain in an instant. I hit the back key and returned him his phone as if the phone was some kind of creepy crawly. Eww!! Why do boys have to be so grotesque? I wanted to vanish into thin air. He then checked his message but I think he did not read the entire message he probably checked the sender and the first few lines. The only words that came out of his mouth were: "Oh... yeh.. hai.."  He was referring to the sender. He tried to sound as casual as he could. But I think both of us felt embarrassed in our own ways and the odd pause that lasted a few minutes was a witness of it.

Uff Allah Saa'iin... Why do I always prove myself dumber than dumb? Why on earth did I ever want to check his phone? I regretted. Furthermore, I regretted the fact that I did not hit delete. I should have deleted the message and said: "Oh! I'm sorry man. Delete hogaya!!" At least he  would not have found out that I read that stupid message. Although, I did not read it but he would comfortably be presuming that I did. Sighs.

I have been trying not to think of it. But it keeps coming back and sticks out a tongue at me. Only people like me, who do something wrong and worry about it all day all night (irrespective of the magnitude of the wrongness), can understand how messed up I am feeling right now. I do not disagree that what happened to me is funny. Yes, it IS hilarious but only because it happened to ME and not YOU. *blushes*

MORAL OF THE STORY:  Never poke your nose into other's business (especially men's). *curls toes*

Ugh.

P.S. One more thing, I have no idea why this particular cousin of mine has to witness the most grand exhibitions of my dumbness. Hmph!  

Dear Sidra

Sighs. I have missed blogging yaar. It's just that exams are round the corner- kya karooon?! =( I am having "the-time-of-my-life" (in all the wrong ways, that is).  I am afraid if I write, I will write about how Gray, Owen and Adams hold that Pristine Capitalists are people who do not give a damn about other people. The only thing that seems to interest them is how to make big bucks. And I cannot begin to elaborate on how strongly Mr. Milton Friedman seconds this stance on Social Responsibility.

I might also disclose to you that I have no idea what The Divine Command Theory is and that I fail to understand what was Socrates's point when he asked Euthyphro the famous question: "Is the pious loved by the gods because it is pious, or is it pious because it is loved by the gods?" And how weird is that, studying philosophy in Accounting and Finance, uh?

I will also have to admit that accountancy is by and large the most stodgy profession- Dull as ditch-water. I wake up every morning each day and ask myself: "What on earth am I doing to myself?" Ugh.

Enough bakwaas about how much I loathe accountancy. Another reason that I have been away, which by the way is the primary reason, is that I have been ripped off of my words lately. I cannot seem to scribble up anything that makes sense. This time it isn't just my words that are incoherent and scattered but it is my mind that is plagued with incoherence and is going berserk.

But, don't worry. I will be lurking around in the corners with my nonsensical posts, that is. :)

Love,

Ann.

P.S. By the way, this "started out" as a reply to your comment but...... you know. ;)

A puppet show

I am tired. Scared. Sick.

Of a world where everything is made up of brick and mortar- and that is it. A world where people are nothing but clay puppets. Their desires pulling their strings. Inanimate objects manipulated by their desires and self-interest.

I check myself for any similar strings attached. I find none.

I am disappointed. Life would have been so much easier that way.

I wish to be a puppet too. A clay puppet, like you.

Aur Bhi Gham Hain Zamaane Mein Muhabbat Ke Siwa

The title of the last post makes me sound like a lovesick person. Funny. Yes, I was sad. But 'love and similar disasters' were not the one to blame. There were 'other' reasons behind that. I can assure you. Precisely, none of my posts that are dripping with despair hold love as their culprit. Being lovesick is out of my league. I do not really believe in 'love as in love'. What I mean is, love is not a ground reality, so as to speak. Love is.... It is surreal. Pure fiction. Therefore, I do not really believe in love. Not my thing, eh.

I love what Faiz Ahmed Faiz sahib says. It is beautifully cruel.

                   Laut jaati hai idhar ko bhi nazar kyaa kije
                   Ab bhi dilakash hai teraa husn, magar kya kije
                   Aur bhi gham hain zamaane meiN mohabbat ke siwa
                   RaahateiN aur bhi haiN vasl ki raahat ke sivaa

So yeah, love is not my cup of tea. Having said that, I must admit, "Holy God! What an outrageous liar I am!" LOL. It does not matter how many times I repeat that I do not believe in love, it will always bounce back to me like an echo and remind me what a pathetic liar I am. As funny as it might sound to some, I often try to escape love. I try to run away. But then soon enough I realise that I am running in circles only and so I obviously find myself right where I started- with love- again. Mhm.

However, I must say that love has become a cliché for the commonplace girl/boy loves boy/girl thing. Yes, I said commonplace and you can take all the offence you want. I don't know. I am not a big fan. Nonetheless, it does not mean I am against love. Oh no, no! It is, indeed, very essential. I am just, well, how should I put it? I am just against some kinds of love. There. Now that was a nice way of putting it. LOL

So anyways, I was saying that I am being a blatant liar when I say that I do not believe in love. Yes, that is true, I am afraid. That is so because I am a lover. An impulsive and compulsive lover. I love a lot of people in a lot of different ways. And I must confess, love hurts. It hurts in places that you did not even know existed inside you. All kinds of love hurt. But, there can be different reasons to the question "why it hurts?"

I know why my love(s) hurts. (I know just about everything, my problems and their solutions, and yet I loiter on the paths of my life wearing my ignorance cloak, listlessly. What to do with such enforced oblivion? What to do? Arw rightly calls me a "knowledgeable jaahil" ) Love has happened to hurt me often too because I've never succeeded in pulling off the balancing act. I always mess with the balance of things. Hence, the outcomes are pretty much err.. logical. I am way too possessive and it successfully leads me down the abyss of despair. From tiniest things to colossal matters, from my mother to my friends, I am almost always so overbearing. Let me put it in a nutshell. I am a spoiled brat. There, done.


P.S. This is so not what I had in my mind to write about. It is not even anything similar to it. Ugh. I am a spoiled brat and I have a dangerously high tendency to diverge. Period.