I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad...

It's the irony, that's killing me....

Being the sinner that I am, I've always had it in my mind that I may not get what I pray for as easily as I would like to. However, I've always had faith in His mercy. And, He has been immensely merciful. I never thought I deserved all that I've ever had. I cannot thank Him enough. So, this isn't a complain. Not that I've any right to complain, in any case.

This is just a statement- of facts, of the way life works, and of irony.

I've always wished for a particular thing- Always. I wish I could explain to you the emphasis on 'always'. Yes, I've wished and prayed for it as much as I could've. I always hoped that Allah saa'iin would listen to me, despite all my sins. I had faith. But then again, somewhere at the back of my head, there was a fear lurking silently in a dark corner. What if.... what if my prayers go unheard; and all that only and only because of my sins. I thought perhaps the Lord might decide to punish me for my sins in this manner.

But, I was wrong. I've got what I wished for. But there's a twist (of course)...

And, the twist is.... that when I've almost got what i always wished for, I realise that I don't want it any longer. In fact, now I want not to have it!

May be it's a test. May be it's a retribution. Or may be, I am just being ungrateful.

Ephemeral pleasures, or are they?

"You've spoiled me; for anywhere else, anybody else. Do you know that?"

"What do I do now?"

"What do I do when all this ceases to be?"

"You never know, it might as well not."

"I know! And I've come to terms with it."

Remember when I asked you about that particular species of tropical plant, which I loved so dear to have it planted in my garden; but I could not because it could not thrive in this climate, in this environment.

I told you, it would die here; and then I asked you, if I should still plant it in my garden.

Remember what you said? You told me everything dies- a mother does not refuse to bear her child because one day he shall die. She simply does not do that. She, despite knowing that her child is not eternal, everlasting, and is but mortal, bears him, goes through all that agony to bring him to this world.

I told you I did not want that dear plant to die, just because of a whim of mine.

You told me, it wasn't sensible to choose to not do certain things in our lives out of mere fear of grim outcomes.

You told me, irrespective of how things might turn out, we do certain things only because they mean so much to us, and in return what we get are some very precious moments, memories.

So... I... rooted the plant.

I have come to terms with it.

I do not know, certainly, what I'd do when all this ceases to be, but... all I know, and all that matters right now, is that I'm collecting moments, memories; precious memories that would last for an eternity.

I'm not going to let even a single minute to go to waste.

There's so little time, so many memories to collect.

Better get back to work, shall we?

Maseeha'ee

Hum akser koshish karte hain lougon ko khush karne, khush rakhne ki, woh loug jo humein azeez tar hote hain.

Magar baraha aisa bhi dekha hai, ke humari har koshish be soud, har saee lahasil reh jaati hai.

Mareez tab tak roo ba'sehat nahin hota, jab tak ussay sahi dawwa na di jaaye.

Waa'ye naseeb, woh dawwa mere bas mein nahin.

Choose, my precious, you must.

'There comes a time when you have to choose between turning the page and closing the book', I read somewhere.

I closed the book.

I think I did.

-

I was later told, the book had been closed quite a while ago.

I don't follow.

Replace-me-not

Replace-ability.
We agreed that I had an issue with it.
And that it was an ouchiee concept.
Things are replace-able. People, not so much.
Mostly, because they should not be, not essentially.
It's violating, desecrating. 
But then, something happened- despite all agreements...
I was no longer needed.