I'm Sorry...

Ambivalence has become a lasting emotion. I'm afraid it has become a part of me and it will stick around for..... ever, I suppose. 

I'm sorry.... I really am.

Stupidity is infinte, Einstein was right =)

I wish I could have believed how lame what we did today was but I'm afraid, it's too hilarious for me to believe. To be precise- *which I'm afraid, again, I cannot be- so why try?!* Anyways, so I'll be giving a detailed narration of what happened today. =)

I and My friend, whom I shall call A, had our Corporate Reporting i.e. P2 class today. We have it on every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. It's been only a couple of weeks since our classes started and I forgot to attend my class last Friday so, it was technically my first-friday class. Anyways, so I got to my class and chose a seat that was not at the corner though but somewhere near it. A while later, A showed up too and sat beside me. Soon our teacher, Mr. K, entered the class and as soon as he did, he referred to the question that was done in the last class.

I and A were a little bewildered because we did not really recall anything even having a minute resemblance with what he was speaking of. We passed weird looks to each other, wondering if we had missed a class but I was pretty sure we hadn't. What was more puzzling was the fact that as far as I remembered we were doing the topic Leasing however, what Mr. K was discussing was Construction Contracts. =S I should also tell you that we do not have any friends or even acquaintances in the P2 class. However, I looked around and realised that all the faces I could see seemed very new (I do have a terrible memory, but I was sure it wasn't all that bad now). Another thing I realised was that the class was exceptionally noisy today.

Pretty puzzled, I asked A to ask the girl sitting next to her about the class schedule. A told me that that girl said that the classes were on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. I doubted that girl's sanity and so I asked the same question from the person sitting next to me; and to my horror she replied that the last class was yesterday. I gave a dreaded look to A, she returned me the same. I had a hunch that something had gone stupidly wrong. All of a sudden, A blurted out something that made me wish I could have banged my head with the wall (or my desk, as it was reachable). She said to me, "Ann, I am afraid this isn't P2.... It's F7 i.e. Financial Reporting." And, everything started making sense. The noisy class, the new faces, the Construction Contracts instead of Leasing.... Everything made sense.

Realising the stupidity of the situation, it was very hard for me to stop myself from bursting out in laughter. But, in no way, I could have afforded that. I immediately took out the sad little piece of paper from my wallet on which i had scribbled my class timings. And it said, *P2- Fridays- 1100 till 1245*, while what the clock showed then was 0930. I so direly wanted to kill myself for such absurd negligence.

So, then what we were thinking of was a plan to escape from the class without becoming a laughing stock in front of strangers. Adding to our distress was the fact that the class room was quiet packed and we absolutely could not have left the class without drawing everybody's attention. It was so hard to stay in the room studying what you have already studied and passed it. Our giggles were becoming more and more uncontrollable. How much we wished our teacher would've left the class for a few minutes that would have allowed us to run away.

However, 30 or so minutes passed adding to our anxiety. Then, our teacher gave us some hand-outs to solve and to our surprise, left the room for some reason. We were overwhelmed at the opportunity provided to us. However, we were a little scared on the prospect that he might just be standing outside. We thoroughly started thinking about what will we be saying to him if he caught us. Time was running out of our hands and he might have come back any moment. I don't know how, but somehow, we recollected ourselves, got up from our seats and ignoring the weird looks from the rest of the class, ran away pierecing the crowded row. Thank God, Mr. K was no where found and without wasting any more time we sprinted out and got to our cars. It was so hard not to laugh then, both of us madly laughed at our outright lameness and of what Mr. K and the rest of the class would say on seeing two empty seats which were not so empty just a while ago.

One more thing, we made sure not to attend our actual class scheduled at 1100, because we were pretty sure Mr. K would have easily spotted the runaways.

This can surely be counted as another entry in my Lameness List. ;)

P.S. Hey there Sarah! Thanks for visiting; adored your photo blog. Wonder why you stopped posting?!! =)

بک رہا ہوں جنوں میں کیا کیا کچھ
کچھ نہ سمجھے خدا کرے کوئ

-غالب

What Goes Around, Comes Around...

Trust me on this. Take my word for it, if you want to. To me, this is a certain been-there-done-that situation.

There were times when I chased my shadow endlessly. One step I took towards it, one step it moved away from me. The distance seemed forever-lasting. My unconditional love (read foolishness) coaxed me to move towards it without even realising, or rather deliberately neglecting the fact that I was chasing ghosts. Whereas, its arrogance and ignorance drew it away from me, farther and farther away.

It hurt. It often felt as if someone had clenched my heart brutally; as if not just my body, but my soul too was being pierced mercilessly. Time passed, I suffered. Time passed further and I grew cold. I became frost-bitten and I gave in. Drenched in the blood dripping from my wounded soul and with no more room left to take any further blows, I resigned. I walked away... from my own ruthless shadow.

Carrying the wreckage of my soul on my frail shoulders, I tried sewing my own wounds. It was painful- agonizing, but it came off. What happened next, my bloodied sight could not believe. The farther away I dragged myself from my shadow, the closer it drew itself towards me.

My wounds are still fresh. However, I have started healing. What I had lost once, I got it back. With a smirk on my face, I walk... with my back towards my shadow.

What goes around, comes all the way back around. I wonder... if this is what they call it?

Note: I had started this as an interpretation of imam Ali's(AS) quote about dunya(world) and linking it with myself, which says, "This world is like a shadow, if you chase it, it runs away from you but once you turn away from it, it follows." However, my mood changed half way across and I ended up somewhere betwen real life and fiction.

Separated from my companion of dark times ( read, when the power went out). My notebook. I feel deprived. *sighs*

P.S. Hello there, Eraj! Thank you for popping in and following =)

Seven Eight... I Need a Template

Huh... These templates are confusing me now.

I apologize to visitors who may find such frequent changes irritating, although I doubt if there, actually, are any frequent visitors. However, I will get over with this metamorphism thingy soon enough =P Oh! That reminds me that Sidra started following my blog. My first follower! So, a li'l shout out to her (Hi Sidra!!).  :)

A Random Thought/Desire.

*Sigh*

I want to have a kitten.

Why won't anybody let me have it?

There is just no hope that I might just be allowed to do so anywhere in the near future. My Ami has threatened to move the cat, along with myself, outside the house if I dare do something like that.

*Hmph*

Literature => Life

I read somewhere that the best way of getting over a woman/man is to turn them into literature.

I agree.

But, I just don't limit it to women and men rather I'd like to believe that "to turn LIFE into literature is the best way to get over it."

Precisely, what I've been trying to do long since.

Aadat Hee Bana Lee Hai

Aadat hee banaa lee hay is sheher k logon nay..
Andaaz badal laina..
Aawaaz badal laina..
Dunya ki mohabbat may..
Atwaar badal laina..
Mausam jo naya aaey..
Raftaar badal laina..
Ehbaab badal laina..
Aadat hee bana lee hay is sheher k logon nay..
Rastay may ager milna..
Nazro'n ko jhhuka laina..
Aawaaz ager do to..
Katraa k nikal jaana..
Her ik say judaa rehna..
Her ik say khafaa rehna..
Her ik ka gila kerna..
Jaatay huey raahi ko..
Manzil ka pata day ker..
Rastay may rulaa daina..
Aadat hee bana lee hay...!!

So.. May be yes.

So.. May be yes.

Yes, perhaps, you have changed- in a very subtle way. You have changed in such an elusive way that you, yourself failed to notice the alterations.

You thought you will stay the same, no matter what. But, you were delusional. It was all a figment of your imagination. And now, that you realise that you are no more the same you wonder, whose fault is it?

They killed you, the real you, brutally. And yet, here you are. But something has changed. Something is not the same.
 
You were once accused of being too sensitive and now see, see what they have done to you. You have become numb.

You look in the mirror. You see your reflection. You wonder, who is it? You draw closer to your reflection. You gaze into your eyes and catch glimpses of apathy. It is you. Yes, it is you.

So yes, may be yes. You have adapted to the indifference surrounding you.

You have become...

Numb. Cold. Bloodless. Blind.

I need a life!

Help me, if you know where can I get one?

Scars

Some times are such, that leave a scar on you for you to remember them always. Just so you never-ever-ever forget them, no matter how much you try.

Some of them scar your body, while others go deeper than that, leaving you with a scarred soul.

Scars... to lament upon.

Apathy....?

This is just outrageous! I'm sure they couldn't have acted any more irresponsibly. Do doctors have this thing called conscience? Are all doctors so pathetically insensitive?

I am talking about this news I saw a little while ago. A little boy had to have one of his arm operated because of some fracture or something and those stupid doctors operated on the other arm instead. I mean, GOD!!!!!!!! What on earth were they thinking?!

I feel like shooting them in their heads. How many cases have we seen being flashed on news channels about such dreadful negligence on part of the doctors. Oh! And yes, as a cherry on top of a cake, the guy who was being talked to about this mishap said: "jee thori negligence tu hoi hai doctors se...". "Thori(Some) Negligence" ?? God damn you. How on earth did he have the audacity to refer to it as some negligence.

Where has the humanity inside us all gone? Have we lost it after all? Uff!! I am feeling furious and sad at the same time. That li'l boy was so cute, so naive and the way he was batting his eye lashes.... adorable.

Though this was just an arm surgery and Allah ka shuker that little kid was fine but, how many patients have died only and only due to the doctors' negligences. How do these people even sleep at night? Don't their deeds haunt them?

*sigh*

Words Slash Butterflies.

My words are running away from me. It is not an ideal thing, is it? It is not. Wait... ideal, did i say? Just for the sake of reminding myself- ideals do NOT exist hence, the name IDEAL.

Anyway, I was referring to the fact that oddly enough, I am finding myself incapable of adorning my feelings with words. When, in fact, these days there is just so much going on in my life that life, all of a sudden, seems to me as a synonym for a roller coaster ride. Yet, when I decide of putting down words, they start running away from me like crazy.

I am finding it hard to write. Right now, finding words feels like catching butterflies with a net that has been knit a little too loosely. The butterflies or words, which ever you like, just manage to escape from this mesh.

There is just so much that I want to say and yet, I feel like I have a block in my head that's keeping my thoughts from becoming words.

Actually, I might just be realizing what's happening with me. Ever seen/ heard/ imagined what would happen if too much stuff is being shoved down a narrow pipe? Right on, it would clog up. That is, what I think is happening with me right now. There are just too much thoughts that are rushing to become words and as a result, clogging up my mind. So, no coherent text comes about.

The funny things is, when I look up I smile because I see I have managed to write quite a bit. However, none of it qualifies for what I intended to write about.

Ironic, isn't it?

1:22 AM

I need to find a display picture for myself.... and i would also really like to hummm right now... not a very good idea, i must admit though. Weird whims.

I SHOULD go to sleep now... there's just so much to do tomorrow or... today, as a matter of fact. :S

My Blog.

Yeaye!! So, i guess this is it. I finally created another blog for myself. :)

Have been wanting to do so since SO long. I did, although, have my blog on Live Spaces but it was sort of very private. It was written and read by just me. You see, how private that was.

Nevertheless, better late than never. Right.

Happy to make my words a li'l more more public.