Tolkien, others might not be... but, I am!

But, I certainly am.

Sighs.

Exams are around the corner and I'm not interested in studying. Despite this being my qualifying attempt, I've no motivation. No. Nada. I'm not really working hard. But then on a second thought, I never have. Nevertheless, I do at least try to put in some effort usually. However, I don't know what's wrong with me this time. I feel so disoriented. A little listless.

 I've had a change of heart with regards to a lot of things. I really do mean A LOT, when I say a lot. I'm not the same person I was last year, and it's kind of irritating because I've never really been good with such radical changes. 

But things change, right. Change is what connotes life, doesn't it. All of us have changed in some way or other. Let's see some illustrations: *smiles*

♠ Ally- she's farther away now then she used to be, physically and virtually as well.

♠ Sid- has plunged deeper into her lake of distress. No more happy posts from her anymore.

♠ B- is.... oh well, B has managed to remain B, I shall surmise. *smiles* He never used to blog often and, that hasn't changed much (so okay, I don't see how he has evolved- so let's just assume he hasn't!)

♠ Majworld- he's maturing at a rate faster than fast. His posts have changed from happy-go-lucky-everyday-stuff to deeper things. It sometimes makes me laugh at how closely and scrutinizingly he has started looking at things. Yes, I'm sorry majworld, but it makes me laugh. :P

So yes, we evolve with time, don't we? No surprise, if I did too, right? But... it isn't exactly what I could've ever imagined. I don't know at what point did I let go off myself, but I did. I was supposed to let go off other things but somehow I guess I let go off my own self. 

Honestly, and I don't care how cliched this sounds but, the ironic truth is that as soon as I changed.... my world turned to a perfect mirror image of my hopes and wishes. Only... it was too late. I somehow didn't want it anymore. So, it kind of doesn't matter now. *smirk*  Everything around me started falling right in its place; just that... I wasn't standing exactly where I used to before. And not to mention, my cynicism has escalated drastically. (Will write on it specifically, later sometimes).

Have I ever told you, that I don't have dreams? Dreams as in, like how people want to own a yacht (that's Gopher's dream, lol) or something else; or achieve something in life; et cetera. Yea, that sort of dreams. I can't think of any. I don't know if it's sad or what. I'm just not interested enough, so to speak. 

I was always dull and boring and, I still am. However, the only thing that's different now I guess is an added tinge of apathy and agitation.

And let me confess the most deplorable part of my (uncalled for) evolution- I have lost my connection with Him. I was a sinner, as far back as I can see myself. Never a saint, or even close. One of His worst creatures, I feel sad to admit. But there was still a connection. I feel disconnected now. My soul feels disconnected.

I want to revert back to Him. I want it so bad. I want it so bad!

So yeah, anyways. I'm going to go away now (well, I'm gonna try to), until my exams are over, and that'll be 10th June. I don't really think I'll be totally away though, because ever since the exam fever has started, loitering on blogspot seems to be the nicest thing to do. Han na, I want to do everything that doesn't spell 'S-T-U-D-Y'. Thank Lord, I've temporarily discontinued playing Crysis2. Will resume after exams though. But, I'm just concerned that Gopher would have completed it by then. *frowns* I hope not. *fingers crossed*

By the way, S made me listen to another silly song, (no, don't worry I'm not going to keep it a secret to stir curiosity this time) it's akon's chammak challo. God! What's up with songs these days? It's funny though, just the chammak challo part. It's funny because I made an inside joke out of it. But on a serious note, we need song writers, decent song writers, that is. Nevertheless, the previous song from dehli belly makes me go hahaha really! When I made my ami jani listen to it, she gave me a disgusted look as the song began. 'Aray yaaar *shakes head* isko music ki tarah mat lain iss ko mazah ke tanazur se dekhain', I protested (lol, no I didn't use either of the words mazah or tanazur. I couldn't have anyways, coz' I speak sindhi, remember silly!) *smiles* So, yes she laughed a little while listening, which means she thought it was funny too! 

Okie, I shall leave you now. You may let out a deep sigh of relieve. I know you want to. *smiles* 

Image courtesy: weheartit

And PENCHAR-ED, you shall be!

Buahahahahaaa... (excuse me- again)

Thought of the day: *I seem to have lost the tiny little last wee of gray matter that I was holding in my head's strongroom*

Oh well, this goes out for Furree, Ally and Ph_!! *winks*



You have to roll on floor after listening to this. You HAVE to! Otherwise.... Uhh otherwise... *err... I can't think of anything otherwise*

Khair, I'm such drama, no? *grins*

*rofl*

Hahahaha....

I just happened to listen to an absurdly hilarious Indian song! And, I liked it.

*chuckles*

Okie bye.

*turns back*

What?!

You want me to tell you what song?

Ha!

Na, I won't. Not yet, I mean. Emm... Kal bataongi.... shayad!!

Why?

Because.... *scratches head* Ah yes! Because, I'm evil (how can I forget). *angry at self*

*grins*

*frolics away*

P.S. Excuse me. Haha.

A few chuckles at noon

Ami is going to get gulnaz scolded from me some day, lol. Ami knows I come at the lunch/dinner table late, yet she consistently keeps sending her to let me know, 'A*** api bulrahe hain aapko', 'A*** api khana thanda hojaye ga', 'A*** api yeh', 'A*** api woh'.... Kissi din suna dungi mein uss bechari ko, I'm afraid. :P Daant tou khair khairu sahib bhi kha sakte hain, but odds for him are a little less because he doesn't hang in the doorway until he's assured that I'm coming, unlike gulnaz.

S and I were discussing a camera right now, and I asked her something about the other camera she was talking about but she was confusing it with another camera and I was irritated because she wasn't really getting me so I screamed. :P Mum was amused, not exactly what I expected. She hates it when I scream- but not this time, apparently. S giggled and remarked as I was leaving the lounge, 'Bilkul murad ho tum!'

I did a 180 degree spin.

'Who?'

'Murad!!' she said almost sticking out her tongue at me.

'Kaun muraa....' and just then I realised that she was reading a  novel.

'What the hell...' I thought, 'I'm sure murad won't be a good character'.

'Ami murad kon hota hai..', I asked agitatedly.

'Khud he parh lena', S interrupts and then mentions to mum, 'Hana ami, bilkul ussi ke jaisi hai'.

Ami laughs a little and says.... 'eik big'ra howa larka hai'.

My mouth almost drops open.

Kya yaaaaaar.... This is bad.

Lol.

You are not indispensable, and you're aware of it. You do realise that all of them can do without you; and do a lot better actually.

You're such a mess, dear one.

You try- I know. You try to be good, less stubborn, a little more comprising; but that almost always ends up in a way worse than you hope, doesn't it?

No one acknowledges.

But, you are very brave, my love. Very brave.

I love you, papa jani.

May you always always be as fresh and cheery as you sounded today. Ameen ameen ameen.

♥

Jaanay kab honge kum, is dunya ke ghum...

I was planning to come here to rant about my own self. About my silly issues. But then, all that seems so insignificant now.

I'm fuming. My sister asks me to lower down my voice whenever I'm discussing the attack on the Mehran Base with ami, telling me mum's sitting beside me only. But I cannot. Because I'm furious. I'm on the verge of pulling my hair off my head.

Six (or, so they say) godforsaken militants enter your base, blow up two of the best surveillance aircrafts that you have, martyr ten and injure fifteen or so of your men, and then, mother of all audacities, a couple of them manage to escape despite the fact that the entire area was cordoned off. How, God how? How in the world?

Just six goddamn men! Are you kidding me? You refuse any claims of hostage situations, you refute allegations of a security lapse. What was it then? A nawtankee, or something are you suggesting?

Taliban and al-qaeda sound such clichés to me now. Scapegoats that every and any one can use for every and any thing. They cannot of course be written-off completely with regards to this attack, however. But my grey cells say that navy hasn't really had much to do with these organisation. Had air force or army been under attack, they would sure be somewhere up in my list but it has been naval forces that have been under attack since the last month.

Manmohan Singh is sure as hell concerned about the safety of our nukes, as always. *rolls eyes* A cracker doesn't even go off completely in this country and his concern about our nukes pokes out its head. I'd kill to insert a sock in his mouth (though, a nuclear warhead sounds a lot better). Why aren't we being quick and reckless at drawing our guns and shooting the blame at India? Why not, I say? India has all the reasons, so to speak. They accuse us of everything. Why shouldn't we?

Don't give me the shit that we are mature people, who don't just put blames on others without first figuring things out in a proper manner. Don't give me the shit that we are very responsible people, unlike our dear neighbour. Because to be honest, it has only recently occurred to me that there is an immensely fine line between the so-called maturity and responsibility that has been referred to above and cowardice. And therefore, I cannot really figure out if we are mature and responsible or plain cowards- spineless.

This government has done nothing but led this country deeper into the dumps. I'm done and over with ranting about the catastrophes that Musharraf inflicted upon this land. This government is no better. It has only continued on- not to mention, very ardously, with what that wretched chawkidaar started. But then, any blind person with a tiniest wee of gray matter left would've seen it coming the same day Mr. Ten Percent took the office as the president.

The armed forces of my country that I was once in love with, cannot protect their own base. How in the world do they think they can protect my home? It was their base this time. How long before it's my home?

The state that we are in, is dismal. This is a plot to defame our nation, our armed forces. It's a gigantic game, that we've inadvertently become a part of. And what some of us haven't realised yet is the fact that we are fighting against our own bloody selves.

It wasn't out war. It wasn't!

Allah saa'iin please protect us and this country from everything, for the sake of Muhammad (sawaw) o aal-e-Muhammad (sawaw).

Contamination

Bohat zehr bhar gaya hai aap ke andar Ann, bohat zyada.

No, I haven't died- yet...

So... *awkward silence* What's up?

Is anybody missing me? Or, my senseless yakety yak-ing  for that matter?

*smiles heartily*

Did I ever tell you I get a dimple when I smile? Not on the both sides though. The right side's dimple disappeared as I grew up. And now, it's just me and my left side dimple.

That's all folks.

Okiethnxbye.