Papa jani said 'yes'.

Why am I not happy? This was what I wanted.

What does my heart want? I thought this was it. But, is it?

What is this discontent, discomfort all about?

I shouldn't have allowed myself all this liberty. When and why did I ease my grip on my principles?

Will I ever forgive myself for this?

Kya yaaaar...

I thought I'd die but hey, what d'ya know- I didn't. Tough nut, huh. *shrugs*

Oh, I totally forgot to mention that I bunked work today. *rolls eyes* (For what, I wonder. Huh.) Anyways, so I'm sick of my work. This particular client, I mean. It's *beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*. Yes, it's that bad!

Ok bye.

Yeh baazi ishq ki baazi hai...

Nerve-wrecking much?

*fingers crossed, praying under the breath*

Till then, I'd like to tell you that I've fallen in love... With this song, silly. =P A heart throbbing world cup song, after all those years. Ah, at last. Here:

Khe-Khe!

Image courtesy: Nandos (top), Lyceum fellow- KN (bottom)

"Nasruminallahe wa fatahun qareeb.."

I'm so bloody excited, my eyes are getting teary every now and then.

*utters in hushed tones* I think I'm going to die out of excitement today. 

*yells* Afridiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii bring the cup, man!!! I love thee so much. All of you!! 

*whispers under the breath* 

Allah saa'in please let my Pakistani team be triumphant. Ameen.

Are you ready?

The semi. *bites nails, fingers- eats herself*

My Green (little) men are taking the worldcup (inshaAllah). Yes sir, they are. Oh, yes. Just wait and watch.

P.S. I'm in love with this article I read today on one of the dawn blogs-  A touch of madness.

The nerve wrecking madness, it begins in T-minus 14 hours.

(Sheeet. A chill actually just ran down spine.) O_o I'm on the edge. But then, aren't we all? *smiles*

May Pakistan win this match and the finale. Ameen.

P.S. I have work tomorrow. These insensitive rascals, why don't they understand? Ugh.

P.P.S. My lasts few posts are not linked to each other in any way. Don't try and relate them with each other. Thank you.

Of cloudless climes and starry skies.

'Would you by any chance know, my love, what you and this night hold in common? It is but the exquisiteness, the glamour, the mystery, and most of all- the darkness, my precious.'

All I want to do is sit up, and stare into the darkness of the night. Feel the wind. Unleash my thoughts. Let them wander everywhere, anywhere.

 I just wish to stay up all night tonight and think. Think about... nothing. Think about everything.

'She walks in beauty, like the night

Of cloudless climes and starry skies..'

-- Lord Byron

The unravelling

I feel so sore. Everything and anything seems to succeed in making an impact, somehow.

I reckon there's only a little while left before I start disintegrating into tiny fragments. Fragments that shall be the telltales of my anguish, ambivalence, angst, and agony; my once-upon-a-time existence.

And she said...

It will be a tragedy, nonetheless my friend, if I lose you to these idle gossips, that are nothing but a second-rate product of small minds.

It will be a sad end for something that hasn't even started yet.

Disbelief

The moments when your heart contracts with a momentary but excruciating twinge, yet somehow, your lips curve into a smile- thoughtlessly.

Perhaps your senses go a little berserk, and forget their instinctive response.

Or perhaps, it's mere... Disbelief.

Time and time again...

Words fail me... Or not, perhaps.

May be I fail them?

I fail them.

Take me away... farthest away. *smiles*

Pocketful of sunshine

This MP3 was found at Dilandau MP3

Thy beauty, is an evil spirit, my love.

They said you are beautiful, strikingly.

But you replied them not with gratefulness. Instead, a voice rose from within you; with an undertone of repugnance. And, all you wanted to do was... scratch your face and make it bleed. 

*winks*

My sister thinks.... I'm going to fall in love.

*agitated sigh*

Oh God no! Please, no! Not me! Not me! Not me too! Damnit.

*runs amuk*

Will you...

...miss me?

I don't want to go to work today.

Mummmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy........!!!

*frowns*

I had a weird dream. Gopher was in it too, along with a few other people. And, we were on a beautiful island and.... Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet! It's 8:28. *run for your lives*

*drops the drama* Gotta rush- okay bye!

How can aussies be represented by an animal as innocent-looking as a kangroo?

Hehe.

Haye Allah! Its so cute.

The glee after Pakistan nails a match. We are cicket fanatics, no.

Oh I love my team. And trust me when I say this, I'm one fan who loves them despite their inconsistencies, failures, and all that jazz. Yes, galiyan khatay hain mere se bhi. Ab itna tou haq banta hai yaar. Itna tou they owe it to me yaaar!! *winks*

So, yes. I didn't come here to express my delight on the victory. I just came here to say that- Lee is a jerk, and I hate him.

Haye Allaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! I wanna jump up and down ke in gadhon ko hara diya!!!! Ullu kahin ke! Sumujhtey kya hain apne aap ko! Snobs! I hate them. I hate them. I hate them infinitetely!

*relieved sigh*

P.S. *wonders to herself* what was this post doing in the drafts. Hmm?

I'm tired. Sighs. I am.

*faint smile*

Like a clumsy silk worm, I'll smother myself by spinning my thread around my own self. *smirks*

Don't be sad. You can have my silk threads after I'm gone.

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeet! England wins. Bleh.

What we call love, is a very stupid thing, y'know.

I loved you when you were little. Weak. Alone. I stood by you, when everyone else thought you were at fault. And well, they used to be right. But I just hated it when someone scolded you.

I was your shield.

Yes, I had to hear things for saving you even when you were wrong, even when you rightly deserved a good scolding. But it didn't matter. It didn't matter to me. Because I loved you. I fought for you. For all the wrong reasons, I know. You were never right. You were a brat. But it still didn't matter.

And now... *weary smile* You don't remember any of it, do you? Guess you were too young to notice.

It hurts a bit, but hey, I'm alright! *smiles*

Sighs.

Wild horses

Enough is enough. I need to work on myself. 

Wishes are wild horses, but they need to be reined in this time.

Oh brother!

Me: I actually used to beat him up.

Gopher: How did you beat him?

Me: I used to kick him, bite him, hit him, punch him...

Gopher: *confused pause* Is he your real brother...?

Me: *rofl*

Why art thou sleeves stained red?

Trust is an amazing thing. You either have it or you don't. There's no third form.

They broke you, didn't they?

But it was for love and love only, my dear. They loved you-  and they wanted you. So badly. Therefore, they had to, my love.  They had to cut you. Cut you into a hundred little pieces so that they could have you to themselves only. And now, each one of them has an equally divided number- of your remains.

Do not misjudge, precious. It was but, for love only.

Un-amusing musings

I hate how SMAAK sends me crazily hilarious sort of text messages but never replies to my replies. Grrr....

So anyways, I'm here to report a slight modification. Okay 'slight' is an under-under-under-statement.

I don't love the people I once used to, anymore. I mean not with the same fervor.

I like different people now. There's a whole lot of other people now who make me smile or laugh (in a very embarrassing way).

The old ones, I never thought I would stop loving them. I don't even think I have stopped. But, I'm afraid. What if this is a beginning- of an end?

My life works on the 'ceteris paribus' clause. All other things have to remain the same. They cannot change.

I've actually been running away from the old ones. I now see how unfair and incorrect they've been and somehow I don't find myself able to tolerate that anymore.

The blindfold- unfolds.

P.S. I wonder where anonymous is, these days?

Chutti. Ha-ha.

Following are some of the nicknames that I have earned myself (to date):

1- wuk-thee
2- thakoraa'in
3- num num
4- KC

Bas baqi I cannot reveal because they'll give my name away. =P

Good Morning.

Sweet berries ready for two ghosts're no different that you

Ghosts are now waiting for you.... 

O_o .... LOL

Okay something freakishly hilarious is happening. Blogger's feedjit gadget thinks I'm in Larkana. I visited a few blogs and that's where it is showing me from. Feedjit is going looney.

It's hilarious because... well, it is. It's an inside joke. Hehe.

And my axis skewed...

I've become a whiner, and please don't tell me how great a thing whining is, 'cause it's not.

Pa jani scolded me yesterday. A good scolding, it certainly was. He actually shouted at me. But, what amazed me was the fact that while he shouted at me not a single drop of tear rolled down my cheek. Neither did it quiver on my lashes. My eyes were dry. However, I wept later on.

I think I know why. It took a little while to penetrate. It took a little while to process things. It took a little whole to register. The immediate reaction was disbelief. And the pain registered only when my senses restored and clearly reckoned what had just happened.

He was really angry at me. And, it was my fault.

Apologizing is a horrific task, you must agree. It takes a lot of courage. Even if it's your own father in question. It's an ordeal in itself. The mere prospect that your apology may not be accepted makes your heart sink. You wonder if you should go through all the trouble of  screwing up your courage and trampling your ego only to face rejection.

He didn't answer me the first time I said 'sorry'. It shattered my heart into a trillion pieces. He just walked out on me. He returned in the afternoon and I had to apologize because it was killing me. He was dining, I went up to him again, said the same little pathetic word, and expected the same icy response. Something inside me was stabbing me. There was no reaction, yet again. My face went all red and my eyes found themselves unable to hold back any longer. My grip on the chair's back grew tighter. All I could manage to say was a meek 'sorry'. This time he heard.

He looked up and hugged me, resting his cheek on mine. And that was it for me. I broke into sobs.

I'm a very bad person.

How convenient!

We say things. And then we say 'just kidding'.

So what if I'm awful at cs?

How about you start playing games without the freaking 'cheatbook' or the goddamn trainers?

I have a 'new' crush. And, again.

You listen to Black-eyed Peas and I listen to Abida Parveen, Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan (and the sorts).

This is trouble.

Trouble. Trouble. Trouble, I tell you.

I've lost the count for my crushes. Lovely.

Tomorrow is a chutti. Haye! I'm so happy.

I'm changing. As in, I'm not the same. Tsk. Damn!

Did I tell you I passed the God forsaken exam that I flunked in last time? I did. I passed. Oh dear God. Isn't it delightful?

Shig says I should stop acting like someone from shakespeare's family. Hehe. It's got something to do with the way that I speak/write/text/etc.

oh dear GOD!

Seven posts for Feburary! Oh no no! That's bad. And sad.

I'm sad.

But..... Baby you're a fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirework. Hehe. What I can't listen to Ms. Perry? Kya yaar? Give me a break, for God's sake.

*smiles*

AyiipeeyayeeyayAyiipeeyayeyoo!

"Tears popping out of eyes". That must be sight worth seeing. Haha.

Loser. What compels you to speak a language you are so pathetic in. I can only wonder. (Not that I created the language but hey! You are beyond hope.)


Haye! I'm so rude. Allah maafi!

I have no clue why and how do people tolerate me? My tantrums are so bloody inexplicable. Iring, I tell you. And yet, it seems to bother nobody. Not really, I mean.

Kisi din jootay paraingay mujhey yaqeenan, aur woh bhi sab mil kar maraingay! *besharmo wali grin*

And as for you precious, you are smothering me. Let me breathe- for Heaven's sake. Jaan leni hai kya? HUH!

Bye bye evdo. Hello ptcl. Hence, hellooo multiplayer!!! *grins*

I need space.

Have you played dead space? Yuck. Doom 3? Yuck yuck. Half-life? Yuck yuck yuck^infinity!

Shoo now. Do some work. Stop reading other people's blogs.

Hehe.

I am nuts.

Muskarao mat.

So are you!