Why won't anyone ask me why I'm sad?
*hmph*
=(
Kissi ke paas waqt nahin hai ke koi mujhse kuch poochay, meri berabt baatain sunne, mujhe kuch sumjhaye. Kissi ke paas bhi.
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Monday, April 30, 2012
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
I wish there wouldn't have been any special hurry...
The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.
--Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms
The last unicorn is dead
Her tiny little palm rested on the cold spotless glass window, her fingers tapping to a tune inside her head.
Her head tilted from one side, to the other slowly, giving away her excitement and eagerness to get her eyes on everything possible. The sparkle in her eyes got brighter, until it turned into a twinkle. The head stopped oscillating from left to right, and now was tilted sideways on the right.
The mischief filled brown eyes had spotted something, perhaps. The pupils were glued on to something on the other side of the glass now.
And in that moment, the fingers stopped tapping, breathing was put on hold, the world ceased to exist, and the earth stood still.
That very brief moment, something sparkled in the pair of those naive eyes. A smiled crept across the cherry lips, very slowly. A dimple dug a dent in the rosy cheeks.
The preciousness of the expression was something beyond words, something right out of a fantasy.
But a brief moment it was, nevertheless.
A brief moment, before the stilled lashes quivered slightly, and the smile crept away as slowly as it came. The head was straight up now.
Her chubby little hand reached out for the little blue pocket on her yellow dress, her eyes still glued. Something clinked, before she drew a clenched fist back out. The gaze was broken as the eyes lowered to stare at the florid palm stretched out, revealing a few randomly placed metal pieces- almost worthless.
She raised her head once again, and looked across the pane; the twinkle gone. The brown little eyes took a last good look, before letting out a muted sigh.
The gaze lowered to the palm again, and a bruised smile flickered for a split second only. The ruddy palm tilted sideways, followed by loud clinks as the metal touched the pavement.
Her head tilted from one side, to the other slowly, giving away her excitement and eagerness to get her eyes on everything possible. The sparkle in her eyes got brighter, until it turned into a twinkle. The head stopped oscillating from left to right, and now was tilted sideways on the right.
The mischief filled brown eyes had spotted something, perhaps. The pupils were glued on to something on the other side of the glass now.
And in that moment, the fingers stopped tapping, breathing was put on hold, the world ceased to exist, and the earth stood still.
That very brief moment, something sparkled in the pair of those naive eyes. A smiled crept across the cherry lips, very slowly. A dimple dug a dent in the rosy cheeks.
The preciousness of the expression was something beyond words, something right out of a fantasy.
But a brief moment it was, nevertheless.
A brief moment, before the stilled lashes quivered slightly, and the smile crept away as slowly as it came. The head was straight up now.
Her chubby little hand reached out for the little blue pocket on her yellow dress, her eyes still glued. Something clinked, before she drew a clenched fist back out. The gaze was broken as the eyes lowered to stare at the florid palm stretched out, revealing a few randomly placed metal pieces- almost worthless.
She raised her head once again, and looked across the pane; the twinkle gone. The brown little eyes took a last good look, before letting out a muted sigh.
The gaze lowered to the palm again, and a bruised smile flickered for a split second only. The ruddy palm tilted sideways, followed by loud clinks as the metal touched the pavement.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Iztaraab
And here I am... again- in desperate need of someone, anyone.
*shakes head in disappointment*
Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.
Umr kaise kattay gee Saif yahan
Raat kat'ti nazar nahin aati
*shakes head in disappointment*
Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.
Umr kaise kattay gee Saif yahan
Raat kat'ti nazar nahin aati
Of solitude and night skies...
As soothing as solitude may be, at times you do need someone to be with you, around you, just be there in any random sort of way.
They don't have to lend an ear to you, or a shoulder for that matter. They merely need to be there with you.
But at times like those, something or the other happens, and you end up being at the mercy of your own self.
It's not necessarily the people who are to be blamed really; most of the times, it's just the same ol' silly life being it's usual ironic self.
I don't want to be alone right now. But, I want a lot of other things as well, the odds of which occurring are equal to that of walking on the water.
There are times when you do not want to be left alone with your own self, because you're scared- of your very own self.
That might sound absurd, but believe you me, it is not even close.
So, for tonight I am pretty much solitary.
Everybody at home is deep under slumber's spell. Gruph, I talked with. Sheeday, will call tomorrow. Z had to call, didn't. Sloth, is off grid.
So, I guess it's me, music, and the night sky once again- old friends.
*speaks to the birdie ruffling its scruff*
What's wrong silly little birdie? Why won't you go to sleep? C'mon now, go to sleep. You'll be alright, little fuzzball.
-
Kya koi dua aisi bhi hosakti hai jis ke liye haath uthanay ki ijazat aapka dil shadeed khuwahish ke bawujood bhi na de sakay?
-
They don't have to lend an ear to you, or a shoulder for that matter. They merely need to be there with you.
But at times like those, something or the other happens, and you end up being at the mercy of your own self.
It's not necessarily the people who are to be blamed really; most of the times, it's just the same ol' silly life being it's usual ironic self.
I don't want to be alone right now. But, I want a lot of other things as well, the odds of which occurring are equal to that of walking on the water.
There are times when you do not want to be left alone with your own self, because you're scared- of your very own self.
That might sound absurd, but believe you me, it is not even close.
So, for tonight I am pretty much solitary.
Everybody at home is deep under slumber's spell. Gruph, I talked with. Sheeday, will call tomorrow. Z had to call, didn't. Sloth, is off grid.
So, I guess it's me, music, and the night sky once again- old friends.
*speaks to the birdie ruffling its scruff*
What's wrong silly little birdie? Why won't you go to sleep? C'mon now, go to sleep. You'll be alright, little fuzzball.
-
Kya koi dua aisi bhi hosakti hai jis ke liye haath uthanay ki ijazat aapka dil shadeed khuwahish ke bawujood bhi na de sakay?
-
Friday, April 20, 2012
Distractions
Dear Gruph,
I am sorry. I called you not because I missed you. Neither because I wanted to talk to you. Nor because I wanted to listen to you. I was not interested in what has been going on in your life, or what hasn't. As far as I am concerned, the absence of your calls and messages is adequate an indicator to imply everything is fine on your side.
I only called you up because... I wanted you to speak... so that your voice would subdue the hushed noises in my head. The haunting whispers, I wanted to shut them out, and I guess I needed your help with that.
My silence and solitude just happened to be aggravating the situation exponentially. I needed to distract my self, and you were an apt distraction, my friend.
I needed someone who'd talk and go on talking, without noticing my silence.
I am very sorry, because I feel guilty about it. I feel bad. But, I needed you, even if very ignobly.
Love,
Ann.
I am sorry. I called you not because I missed you. Neither because I wanted to talk to you. Nor because I wanted to listen to you. I was not interested in what has been going on in your life, or what hasn't. As far as I am concerned, the absence of your calls and messages is adequate an indicator to imply everything is fine on your side.
I only called you up because... I wanted you to speak... so that your voice would subdue the hushed noises in my head. The haunting whispers, I wanted to shut them out, and I guess I needed your help with that.
My silence and solitude just happened to be aggravating the situation exponentially. I needed to distract my self, and you were an apt distraction, my friend.
I needed someone who'd talk and go on talking, without noticing my silence.
I am very sorry, because I feel guilty about it. I feel bad. But, I needed you, even if very ignobly.
Love,
Ann.
Not a great start for a weekend, is it now?
'You're losing points for this, you know... this tanziya mizaaj of yours...'
I never professed being a nice person really. I know how non-nice I am. But anyhow, better late than never. I'm glad you've started noticing. And this might just be the beginning... *smiles*
*whispers to herself* I wish you weren't so awful, love. *sighs with a faint smile*
Tsk.
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Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Of white canvases and paints...
I'm making a painting in oil.... That too after eons.
I feel a little creaky and rustish though, but anyways...... *excited*
Here's a WIP snapshot...
I feel a little creaky and rustish though, but anyways...... *excited*
Here's a WIP snapshot...
P.S. Oil paints are such a pain when it comes to drying.... *sighs*
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Sunday, April 15, 2012
Jedha vi tere dar te aye, o na kadi vi khaali jaye...
Shanaa'n uchiyaa'n teriyaa'n peeraa'n
Hovanr duur haneriyaa'n peeraa'n
Aasaa'n hain batheriyaa'n peeraa'n
Sun arzaa'n ajj meriyaa'n peeraa'n
Hovanr duur haneriyaa'n peeraa'n
Aasaa'n hain batheriyaa'n peeraa'n
Sun arzaa'n ajj meriyaa'n peeraa'n
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Fragile, are we?
There rises an emotional surge or an uprising of a sort, to cave in sometimes, cave in to any and everything.
Sometimes- when you're walking on the edge; when you're a little too brittle on the inside.
When somewhere inside you a meek voice raises its head telling you that you cannot take it any longer.
When all your retaliations and rebellions switch to hibernation mode, and you are left with an odd self-defense mechanism- silence, surrender. And you look at yourself in the mirror in your head with a smirking awe; you never knew you had that potential in you, did you now?
Sometimes- when you're walking on the edge; when you're a little too brittle on the inside.
When somewhere inside you a meek voice raises its head telling you that you cannot take it any longer.
When all your retaliations and rebellions switch to hibernation mode, and you are left with an odd self-defense mechanism- silence, surrender. And you look at yourself in the mirror in your head with a smirking awe; you never knew you had that potential in you, did you now?
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Tsk.
It's just sad- so sad, when you realise that your absence isn't as saddening as you supposed it would be...
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Of escapes, and reality checks
These past few days, in particular, it's almost as if I've been oscillating between two parallel universes; work and home.
To work, a brief escape from reality; and then back home, to the grim remembrance of a loss.
To work, a brief escape from reality; and then back home, to the grim remembrance of a loss.
Dilemma- one of the many
At times, I actually feel the non-existence of a confidant in my life.
Someone, who isn't just willing to hear me out; but also whom I'm willing to confide in.
Finding the former isn't much of an ordeal; it's the latter that gives me a hard time really.
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Monday, April 2, 2012
Life; a means to an end...
Well, quiet literally.
I cannot recollect seeing him this tired, this exhausted before.
His eyes, so woeful; his smile, so broken.
...
Papa jaani, it is going to be alright. Time heals all hearts that bleed.
I cannot recollect seeing him this tired, this exhausted before.
His eyes, so woeful; his smile, so broken.
...
Papa jaani, it is going to be alright. Time heals all hearts that bleed.