... only too familiar.

Tum aaj bhi waheen kharri ho, they over heard someone whisper to her.

The voice continued resonating in the silence, until the whispers lurking in the distance raised their heads.

She's here again? But why? May be her compass is broken. Perhaps, she's going round in circles, without knowing. It's not the compass. I think it is. Wonder why her compass acts up with her all the time? Perhaps, it likes tricking her. Or.... may be, just may be, that compass of hers is a sadist who fell for her smile. Her smile? *said some in puzzled tone* Shush! Look at her... that smile. It's... bleeding. I know- isn't it beautiful? It... It sadly is...

Silence.

Stood there- she did, still as the night- only noticeable movement being the subtle movement of her pupils, the quiver of her lashes. She could hear them speak, those voices; hushed tones, whispers, piercing her senses without remorse. She could feel them- staring at her discreetly, from the darkness.

She doesn't seem to be in good shape. What did you expect? *someone berated* She hates it- being here. Why? *someone didn't know*  It's only too familiar, of course.... 

A little too much.

Ephemeral pleasures, or are they?

"You've spoiled me; for anywhere else, anybody else. Do you know that?"

"What do I do now?"

"What do I do when all this ceases to be?"

"You never know, it might as well not."

"I know! And I've come to terms with it."

Remember when I asked you about that particular species of tropical plant, which I loved so dear to have it planted in my garden; but I could not because it could not thrive in this climate, in this environment.

I told you, it would die here; and then I asked you, if I should still plant it in my garden.

Remember what you said? You told me everything dies- a mother does not refuse to bear her child because one day he shall die. She simply does not do that. She, despite knowing that her child is not eternal, everlasting, and is but mortal, bears him, goes through all that agony to bring him to this world.

I told you I did not want that dear plant to die, just because of a whim of mine.

You told me, it wasn't sensible to choose to not do certain things in our lives out of mere fear of grim outcomes.

You told me, irrespective of how things might turn out, we do certain things only because they mean so much to us, and in return what we get are some very precious moments, memories.

So... I... rooted the plant.

I have come to terms with it.

I do not know, certainly, what I'd do when all this ceases to be, but... all I know, and all that matters right now, is that I'm collecting moments, memories; precious memories that would last for an eternity.

I'm not going to let even a single minute to go to waste.

There's so little time, so many memories to collect.

Better get back to work, shall we?

Replace-me-not

Replace-ability.
We agreed that I had an issue with it.
And that it was an ouchiee concept.
Things are replace-able. People, not so much.
Mostly, because they should not be, not essentially.
It's violating, desecrating. 
But then, something happened- despite all agreements...
I was no longer needed.

Treacly twinges of bliss

'... Promise me (...), promise me that...'


*shakes head*

I'm keeping my side of the promise... I don't know why, but I am.

May be it was that intense tone. There was desperation, concern, and a few other things may be, I don't know. Whatever it was, it was beautiful.

I know it was a mundane request, but I'm keeping up to it. I know it doesn't really matter whether I did keep it or not, as I already said, it was casual request after all. Whatever it was, you put up a good show- it left me wanting to abide by your request.

*rofl*

Hahahaha....

I just happened to listen to an absurdly hilarious Indian song! And, I liked it.

*chuckles*

Okie bye.

*turns back*

What?!

You want me to tell you what song?

Ha!

Na, I won't. Not yet, I mean. Emm... Kal bataongi.... shayad!!

Why?

Because.... *scratches head* Ah yes! Because, I'm evil (how can I forget). *angry at self*

*grins*

*frolics away*

P.S. Excuse me. Haha.

"Uh my type'd be the...... alone-in-the-corner sort..."

*chuckles on the inside*

Of cloudless climes and starry skies.

'Would you by any chance know, my love, what you and this night hold in common? It is but the exquisiteness, the glamour, the mystery, and most of all- the darkness, my precious.'

All I want to do is sit up, and stare into the darkness of the night. Feel the wind. Unleash my thoughts. Let them wander everywhere, anywhere.

 I just wish to stay up all night tonight and think. Think about... nothing. Think about everything.

'She walks in beauty, like the night

Of cloudless climes and starry skies..'

-- Lord Byron

Will you...

...miss me?

Off-road

I want to drive off-road. There's no fun driving 'on' the road.

Umm... I like to walk off-road as well.

Seedhe sapaat tar-coal ki sar'kon per chalne ka kya maza? Mujhey oobar khabar raasto'n aur kachi pagdandiyo'n  per chalna pasand hai. *grins* Aur sab se zyada maza tab ata hai jab chalte howe qadmo'n ke neeche aaney waley sookhay patay ehtajaj karney ki nakaam koshish karahe hon. *smiles*

And, I don't like walking straight too.

So, if and when you walk with me, know that it isn't going to be an easy one- unless you share my kind of crazy whims.

[Image courtesy: weheartit]

Her awesome-ness says...

I am AWESOME!

*winks*

Are you happy now?

UW

Waterloo. *shakes head in despair* He is in Waterloo. *faint smile*

UW seems to ring so many bells.

Feels as if someone just scraped the scabs off my wounds.

Never mind. It's alright. I'm good. *smiles*

And she will be loved...

Behis'si thi ke mere zabt ka andaaz tha yeh

Muztarib tha bhi agar, mein kabhi barham tou na tha

I wish I could've said this sher  for myself but well, that's way out of question. In my case, barhami depends exponentially on the iztiraab. This couplet, nevertheless, opened a new door for me. Not a door that unveils the secrets of the lost city of Atlantis or some X-files from A-51 or the location of Holy Grail, for that matter. No. Nothing as such. What lies behind this door is a fact that's so obvious that it never grasped my attention, until now. 

Anyhow, yesterday S. was listening to Maroon 5's "She will be loved". (Hayye. I've always loved this song) I was lying beside her in ami's room and, something struck me about this song for the first time. I suddenly wished to find someone who'd catch me every time I fall. Yes, every time. I wished that every time I fall, someone would shake his/her head in disapproval and yet, reach out for my hand and pick me up. I won't mind a little scolding either. *insert a wide and a very dheet smile here* I'll persist on falling, though. 

I don't want to change. I know I am not good. I am so so so bad. I know. People have said this to me enough times to make me believe this. Which again, by the way, brings me to this empty wrapper of Dove's Promises that is lying in front of me. I have no idea which of the two monsters ate it and left the wrapper here but had I been superstitious I would have taken this as an omen of some kind. *smiles* You want to know what the message on its inside says? It says, Never let others' opinion change the way you feel about yourself. Uhh...But it's a little too late already. I have changed a lot; for the ones I love. However, somehow I'm still work-in-progress.

Umm... I have a lot to say. The rants don't end here. Oh no, they don't! *chuckles* 

F.Y.I

Stress testing, my love... It's called 'stress testing'.

Baraf paani

Well, technically speaking, I do not have much to write about. Nevertheless, I am here out of boredom. However, my mind is not empty of thoughts. Oh yes, I have hundreds of thoughts playing baraf paani inside my head. I miss playing these games baraf paani, kho-kho, chupan chupai.... *smiles* I am thinking...

******************************************
Human beings are the most bizarre of all living species. You can never- N-E-V-E-R, know everything about them. Not even if you have grown up in front of them or they have in front of you. There will always be surprises, some pleasant while some not so pleasant at all. There can be little things, their opinions, their wishes, their thoughts, et cetera.

When Z. spoke about eemandari in a nearly slighting manner, I was disappointed. According to Z., honest people live a tension filled life. That is so not true. There is also a thing called self-satisfaction and what 21 years of my little life have revealed upon me is the fact that contentment is far more long lasting than happiness. And anyways, is this world the only thing that matters? How subtly have we become so materialistic. I know Z. is an honest person despite these thoughts but, it was sad.

*******************************************
I like commenting. But I write such loooong comments. Kahaniyan likhti hon puri. *smiles*

*******************************************
Can two narcissists exist together in a symbiotic manner?

*******************************************
Can people really spend their entire lives compromising the entire time? And while doing that, can they be happy? Can compromises and happiness co-exist? *smiles*

*******************************************
People are so stupid. They forward any and every idiotic message they receive without even thinking for a second over it. Should they be some utterly lame chain messages with ridiculous warnings or some disgusting political propagandas. I just received one against pathans. Hellow! They are the ones who are being killed. What the hell! Who ate your brains? Stupid people!

*******************************************
You know what Compassion Fatigue is? It is what you and I are suffering from. It is what all of us have been plagued with.

*******************************************
I don't have many close friends, I have to confess. Yes, there are quite a few people whom I laugh and giggle with but close friends... that I only have four. *smiles* But I do get a little cynical about the sincerity of this friendship at times. I often am forced to believe that the flow of sincerity is one-sided. Ami jani used to say to me: "Doston ko kabhi azma'ish mein nahin dalna chahye... Doston ko azmana nahi chahye..." She is right. But despite everything, I love them. Yes, I have not been very lucky with the type of friends I have but I love them. End of story.

********************************************
I have lost my appetite. Not that I had a very good one before having lost it now. LOL. However, I do not like anything. Something must be wrong with my taste buds. My mother has to run after me to make me eat (figuratively speaking, of course). I eat as slow as a turtle. I do not like very hot food. I sense no taste when I eat hot food. I like it mildly warm. I just eat because I have to. And there are people who live to eat. I act a little ungrateful at times which is a bad thing. At times, when I am busy throwing my tantrums regarding food this thought strikes me hard and I immediately thank Allah for everything and apologize to Him for being so ungrateful.

*********************************************
I am missing a lot of people. Some have ceased to exist any longer while others... Others have ceased being the way they used to be. Good ol' times. I miss them.

*********************************************
And I started the post by saying that I do not have much to write about. Yeah, right.

Conundrums and other fuzooliyaat

Main Entry: co·nun·drum

Pronunciation: \kə-ˈnən-drəm\

Function: noun

Etymology: origin unknown

Date: 1645

1 : a riddle whose answer is or involves a pun
2 a : a question or problem having only a conjectural answer b : an intricate and difficult problem

God forbid, but happiness is unhealthy for my blog. When I am not sad *does that mean I am happy?*, I do not have the slightest idea what to write about. And actually, it's not even despair that brings out the creativity in me.

*Disruptions: You want to know what it is? Why would you want to know? Who are you anyways?*

Anyhow, despair, anxiety or  hurt are not feelings powerful enough to derive me to write something 'nice'. What creates magic is "bitterness"!

I, often, lead myself to believe that perhaps, I am in love with my sorrows. *Is that something like self-pity?* Sighs. Or may be, they have become very dear to me because I have grown more intimate with them. BUT, the plain-vanilla-kind sadness does not interest me. I like my cake of despair drenched in the dark chocolate syrup of bitterness. I like being stingy.

I am afraid I am sprinting on the path to insanity. My heart and mind seem to be a battleground for Armageddon, that is fought on a daily basis (nearly). I want to climb on the highest mountain only and only so that I can scream my lungs out for once, just for once. Ugh!

I want to slap someone, anyone. Uh? What the hell is wrong with me? I started writing this in a fairly good mood  but now.. I am not sure if it is still in that condition! How about I slap myself? *chataakhh*

*chuckles* I think I am just bored.

P.S. Choose any of the two definitions, you will get me anyway (or not). *smiles*

Blue blues..

Okay... So yes I had my hair cut into a bob a few months back. I looked awesome, contrary to the teasings I got from my brothers and cousins. My hairs did earn me quite a lot of nicknames which, obviously I am not going to reveal here. Nah. Not a chance. lol. As I said, I looked awesome but there is a thing with the boys in my family. They LOVE long hairs. I mean even the hairs on your head are your own but if you are thinking of cutting them short you will have to face a desk banging opposition, just like the ones in our parliament. Yupe, they are that obsessed. Anyways, my hairs have grown out now and so have the teasings.

BUT.... Now I want to get Blue Streaks. Don't raise eye brows. I want just a couple of blue streaks, that's it. I have been wanting to do that for so long now. But I am hoping I do get this done this time. Let's hope my ami agrees to it *fingers crossed*. However, the gentlemen of my khandaan would get yet another chance to chastise me AGAIN. lol. And the first one would be my.... Oh God! My papa..... I am having a feeling this is going to be a long journey and that too, utterly painstaking. lol.

=)