Almost..

It's as if someone pays you to go against me.

I wish you knew that you kill a tiny little part of me with your impertinence, every time. How long before you reach a cent percent, I can only wonder.

I love you, papa jani.

May you always always be as fresh and cheery as you sounded today. Ameen ameen ameen.

♥

Oh brother!

Me: I actually used to beat him up.

Gopher: How did you beat him?

Me: I used to kick him, bite him, hit him, punch him...

Gopher: *confused pause* Is he your real brother...?

Me: *rofl*

And my axis skewed...

I've become a whiner, and please don't tell me how great a thing whining is, 'cause it's not.

Pa jani scolded me yesterday. A good scolding, it certainly was. He actually shouted at me. But, what amazed me was the fact that while he shouted at me not a single drop of tear rolled down my cheek. Neither did it quiver on my lashes. My eyes were dry. However, I wept later on.

I think I know why. It took a little while to penetrate. It took a little while to process things. It took a little whole to register. The immediate reaction was disbelief. And the pain registered only when my senses restored and clearly reckoned what had just happened.

He was really angry at me. And, it was my fault.

Apologizing is a horrific task, you must agree. It takes a lot of courage. Even if it's your own father in question. It's an ordeal in itself. The mere prospect that your apology may not be accepted makes your heart sink. You wonder if you should go through all the trouble of  screwing up your courage and trampling your ego only to face rejection.

He didn't answer me the first time I said 'sorry'. It shattered my heart into a trillion pieces. He just walked out on me. He returned in the afternoon and I had to apologize because it was killing me. He was dining, I went up to him again, said the same little pathetic word, and expected the same icy response. Something inside me was stabbing me. There was no reaction, yet again. My face went all red and my eyes found themselves unable to hold back any longer. My grip on the chair's back grew tighter. All I could manage to say was a meek 'sorry'. This time he heard.

He looked up and hugged me, resting his cheek on mine. And that was it for me. I broke into sobs.

I'm a very bad person.

It's about the last post

 I even had an eleventh point....(and a twelfth, and thirteenth, and oh shut up!). We were talking about the eleventh point. I wanted to add how I never really get a lot of gifts. *frowns* I only get them on my birthdays usually.

So, guess what happened today! Yes, sir. I received a beautiful gift- a perfume. It's Essence de Femme. And, it's oh-so-lovely!

You know, it's never about the gift, I mean not in terms of the object that's being presented to you. What matters is the love and the warmth with which you're being given something. Haina?

I have so many silly/amusing-office-updates to share. Will do them soon, hopefully.

Sighs.

*smiles*

Why so serious, my friend?

Fed smashed Wawrinka with such ease. Oh it was lovely watching the match!

Well, I woke up for Fajr (which I haven't been doing lately- God! Why have I started missing my prayers).  And then, didn't go back to bed because... oh well, it doesn't really concern you so why bother knowing? (I don't want to burden your little brains with an overdose of information, see I'm kind enough.) So anyways, I switched on the TV, and after skipping a few useless channels, star sports popped up and I realised, 'oye! it's tuesday! Aaj tou match tha!' Khair, it turned out I was fairly lucky as the match had just started.

Let's thank Z, for Z was the reason  I didn't go to bed after Fajr.

Something really funny happened on the breakfast table. Something nahin, something(s) actually.  Hehe.

I'm a chatter-box as you must have ascertained already. A very choosy and reserved chatter-box, though. *grins*

Incident # I:

Discussing politics. ******************** This info is censored *************** Hehe. Khair, then papa says to mum. "bas Sindhi's are a very lazy qaum". Well, he actually said 'had-haram". Lol.

I said to ammi in a low voice, "Bilkul papa, mujhe he dekh lain."

I called my self  a 'had-haram'.

Mum burst into (subdued) laughter.

Papa didn't notice and went on, "Achay khaasay parhay likhay lougon ka bhi ye hi haal hai."

Me ( still in a lowly voice): "Wahi tou mein keh rahi hon"

Mum: still laughing.

Papa: "And especially, interior side per tou bohat zyada aisa hai"

Me: "Nope papa, baray baray shehron mein rehne walon ka bhi yehi haal hai, khud he dekh lain."

Mum: laughing

Papa: "Aur sab se buri baat interior ki ke mard bethay hotey hain aur unki wives are forced to do the odd jobs"

Mum, stops laughing and objects: "Na sa'iin, this is true for the Riyastiis only."

Me: "Ha, ha, Sindhyon ki tou wives bhi ghar per bethi rehti hain"

Mum goes into a fit of laughter. And, this time papa asks what is she laughing about.

Hehe.

I can be a clown.

Incident # 2:

 I was paka-ing ammi on how happy I'm that I didn't sleep and got to watch the match. So, I was telling her and everybody else (including papa) how Wawrinka smashed his racquet and how it got totally bent. And this is how it went on:

Me: So it was a fiber racquet na, that's why it didn't snap into two. But he threw it so hard, uff.... it folded into half. Per ammi I don't like it when players throw their bats or racquets, it's not un-sportsmen-like.

Ammi, who was silently listening to me babble, uttered:

'Jaani, yeh tou kuch bhi nahi. Had you been in their place, my child, you would have thrown your gears not on the ground, but aimed them at your opponent's face. Sar phaar dena tha tum ne tou unka.'

Uff... Everybody started laughing so bad. I was so embarrassed. *smiles sheepishly*

Haye Allah! I'm so notorious.

Sighs.

♥

Cyber world is creepy.

Z could have been a hacker, and that too a successful one.

I was having an issue while running a file, so I bugged Z to resolve that. Z asked me to connect my phone to the computer. I did. Z established a connection with my system through my phone's GPRS using an SSL. Din Diharay intrusion, woh bhi with my permission. *worried* Well, it wasn't din diharay, to be precise.

Anyways, so Z actually used my system right in front of my eyes. I could see my mouse cursor moving, and windows popping in and out. It was kind of creepy, really.

Once Z was done, I shrieked, "Get out of my computer. Now!" To which, Z couldn't help, but laugh.

Any-the-how, I have got so many games stacked up. I'v got:

i) NFS Hot Pursuit- Reloaded -- They launched a sequel to Hot Pursuit. Yay!! And what's the best part? The cops have cars faster than yours. Haha. And what the best-est? You can choose sides. Double Yay!! You can either be a cop or a racer. I'll be a racer, zahir hai!

ii) Call of Duty 4 - Yes, yes. I know it's old. I haven't played yet. So, it's new for me. You may shut up now. *grins*

iii) Black Ops - This is last year's too.

iv) AOE III - Okay. I know this is way old. But, there's a long story associated with the reason why haven't I completed it yet. So, anyways I'll complete it this time, Insha'Allah.

So, you see. I've been totally out of the gaming scene. Way out. I've lots of catching up to do. Haye!! When will I get to play? *sad face*  ACCA has ruined me. It has. It has. I hate it. And, to top it off, I'm working. Sighs. Once I'm done with ACCA, I'll do a degree in journalism/ mass comm. or textile designing may be. Or... something really weird. Or, I'll just get married. Haha.

OYE!!!!!!!

I'm going to be a phupho again!!! Like after around 15 years. Whoa. Although, I've had a good lot of nieces and nephews in the past decade, but they are my cousins' kids. However, this time it's my pagal brother (the second one). Triple Yay!!!  I'm so happy. Masha'Allah. Masha'Allah.

But then, he's so far away. *sad face* *slaps herself* Don't be sad, you idiot.

Let's think of names! If it's a boy, we can name him Zain-ul-Abideen, or *snaps fingers* Kazim, or I don't know.... waysay, I loveeee the name Abbas, but we already have an Abbas in our family.

If it's a girl, we can name her Fizza? Err... I can't think of many girl names... However, there's this one name that's jumping up and down inside my head. However, nope. Not that. Because, I've saved that name for my daughter. *curls toes* (If ammi finds this out, I'm so roasted.)

I don't know. Will you help? Waysay I'm being too impatient, because there's plenty of time to come up with good names for my niece/nephew. May everything go perfectly fine, Ameen.

What's wrong with Federer, man!? *shakes head* I think his reign might just be getting over. Anyways, I like Rafa too. So, I'm happy as long as one of them keeps winning the day.

This was too long. Phew. I talk too much. Don't I? Z says I talk non-stop (whenever I do, that is). I gotta go. I need to drink water. My throat feels all parched up. *makes a weird face*

*grins*

P.S. I've been feeling like a kid, lately. And, my posts reflect that. Hmm. No clue, what's up.

P.P.S. Furree Katt, I read all your comments, and it was actually fun because I got to read my old posts. Rest assured, I will reply to your comments *winks* as I have a thing for commenting. *grins* Thank you so very much.

I love my cousins.

Random title, I know.

Whenever I see numbers, in places where words should have been, I take them to be a ciphered text. Therefore, I tend to waste a lot of time deciphering them. And, usually fail. I'm terrible at deciphering codes. *smiles sheepishly*

I'm happy. My world's happy. Masha'Allah. I've awesome parents. Awesome brothers/sisters (Ok, my sisters are a little less than awesome, may be. Haha.) I wish they don't read this, otherwise I'll be more dead than I'm already. Younger sisters, sighs. Well, the feeling is mutual. They sigh at me too. *winks* Okay- Back to the awesome-ness list now. Awesome cousins. Awesome khandaan (well, except for a few dehshat-gard anasir). Hehe. If ammi jani reads/ hears (about) this, I'll be in trouble.

Well, once I was speaking to Shayan, a fellow trainee, about my cousins. And, guess what he said? He asked me if I was close to my cousins. I said yes, of course. He said he wasn't. He told me he met his cousins occasionally. On Eids and baraats, may be. I was like, 'whoa, really?' He said, he missed the fact that he didn't have such close ties with his family. I found it sad. But then, I know A LOT of people who never talk about their cousins and all (because, they don't interact much). M. nevers talks about her cousins, neither does Sh, not even Arw. Just me and Fofo, we are the ones gabbing about how fun our cousins are, et cetera, et cetera.

So, you see. My life's good. Masha'Allah.

I just whine, for the sake of it. Because, it kind of feels nice, you see. And then, everything isn't happy-happy always, right. There are downturns. Sad moments. Irritable moments. Angry moments! But, on the whole, everything's great. Alhumdolillah.

It's just that I'm a cynic. I'm sarcastic. Oooh. Way sarcastic, to be true! I can kill you with sarcasm. Beware, mine is not a comic version of sarcasm. It's bitter and very rude. However, cheer up- I won't kill you. Because, I'm not sarcastic all the time.

I can even make you laugh your lungs out but that happens very rarely. And, with a very few people only.

Ever heard about 'the look'? I can give you 'the look', that will make you believe it's all your fault. That you're so horrible. So awful. You may not admit, but you'll feel so damn bad. *smiles*

And when I'm up to something mischievous, Z says I get that roguish twinkle in my eyes that will tell you I'm up to something. My eyes let everything out, which isn't a good thing really. *frowns*

I can even make you cry.

By the way, it all sounds as if I do all this knowingly. However, that's not how it is. All these things were told to me by others. So, I didn't really know I could do so many things. *grins*

Anyways, enough with randomness. I'll end this post. And, write another one, may be. I'm in a mood for blogging (read: babbling/ranting/whining). Right now, I will have an orange, actually two, and go sit with papa for a while.

Ok, see you!

It's BJ's birthday today.... But it's Safar and then my turtle died . So, nothing special going on.

Of fools and love...

They say I'm a fool because I'm a lover, and that too an unconditional one. I love people regardless of any and everything. Is that foolishness, you tell me?

Sweet November

I've had a wonderful Eid masha'Allah. Even the third day, which usually goes boring went really great. We barbecued at BJ's place last night. I smelled like a smoked charcoal by the end. But, I had a great time. *smiles* Missed papa jani and Bj a lot though.

Oh! And, last night Z. told me something that really lift me off the ground and into the air. I felt elated, in its most superlative form. *grins* Not that I didn't know this already but it feels great when certain kinds of facts are cited to you and that too, out of the blue (it rhymes). And, it was kind of abrupt and unanticipated too. *smiles*

Z. told me that I'm Bj's favourite. As I already said, it's something that I've known but it has never been mentioned to me in such manner. I know both, Bj and BJ (and even papa) love me like anything. Z. was right in saying that I'm so fortunate that everybody loves me (well, everybody except for me). Z. told me Bj, when he was here, always used to speak about me and the love with which he spoke of me, that's what coaxed Z. to blurt it out to me. (Blurting it out after so many years, God! Z. you have to be insane.)

I'm too awful to be loved but I guess these guys are just not sane enough to see that. Sighs.

But then, there's something about me, right. *shakes head and smiles*

Happy birthday, my love. Happy birthday.

I've had a lovely day masha'Allah. I miss papa. He always forgets our birthdays. Ami has to remind him to wish us. But he's too sweet. *gives a wide smile* Papa tells me, when I was born I was way too awake than the usual newly born babies. My eyes were wide open and they moved around the room like search lights. My eyes. Hm! My Lord has been generous with me. *grins*

Dear winter, come let's be friends. You haven't been all that bad this year. I think I can love you just the way I used to once. Be with me. And, be mine.

Precision is sweet...

'An-- ki jaga koi nahin le sakta.'

Period.

*triumphs*

I've been waiting for the moonlight... II

Yaad agaya!

What I was wanting to say was that Sid (John Abraham) in the movie (Jhoota Hi Sahi) stammers. His stammer was cute though. So anyways, I used to stammer too, sometime back. It used to happen very seldom though, but I don't know I somehow started to stammer. My stammer was pretty slight- almost negligible and, it happened sometimes only. The funny part is, I didn't stutter as a kid but somehow I developed this habit in my teenage. Even now, I stammer at a word sometimes. But as I said, it happens seldom and it's almost unnoticeable. Phew. *grins*

Umm... So, once I was telling R. api about how I've started stammering all of a sudden; she laughed it off and said, 'They say if you start being with people who stammer you yourself might catch a stammer....'. I knew what she meant by this. And, I had to look away to conceal the smile that was slowly crawling up my lips. She, of all people, must know that the people who stammered once don't stammer anymore- not really.

I had a yummy qeema today. What made it even more yummy was the fact that I had lunch at five-ish and hence, was starved. Then, as I got up to wash my hands off after having my lunch I professed my love of qeema to ama jani. And then she said, 'Acha... Magar tum tameez se tou nahi khaati', to which I said 'Na ami, I am always just with the qeema...' *smiles* and absolutely out of nowhere my mother exclaimed, 'Yeah, Z. likes qeema too...' And I was like, '....' Where did Z. come from ami, I wondered inside my head. We were talking about qeema mum, not Z. *smiles*

Hmmm.... You too are one hell of a character, aren't you? *smiles* Everybody loves you so much. You make me jealous, you know. You do. And, I used to make you jealous-once, I know. *smiles*

You-'I'-me-'Miss'-we-'You' us...

Happy Birthday Bj. May you have many many many more. May God always bless you.

I love you. And, (I miss you).

Paghal.

Thought of the day

This family, is one gorgeous-looking family, isn't it. Beautiful. Masha'Allah. *smiles*

The knowing...

Can you look right through me? Can you really read the faded engravings on my face that others cannot?

Is it that obvious? Or are you just a keen observer?

How can you read me? How can you discover what I've tried to veil ever since? How can you know?

You know who I am. You have found out what I had purposely concealed behind the curtains of my errors. And surprisingly, I am glad someone did. But, the someone would be you... I never thought like that.

How come they don't see it? How come? Those who proclaim their love for me, who profess to know me. Why can't they see what you saw?

You saw the real me. Is it the blood ties? No. It can't be. I'm tied with the same ribbons of blood to them as well but, they didn't see. You did.

How can I ever tell you how glad I feel? Knowing that someone knows who you really are despite being wrapped in a hundred veils, is elating.

If I die young...

"Funny when your dead how people start listenin’..." 


It's been ages and yet, I cannot cease to miss you. I wish I could have turned back the wheel of time and loved you so much more, so much more. 


Did you really have to leave me, so soon? 


I wish... But what does it matter now...?

My axis

I love the extent to which I drive BJ crazy. I drive everybody insane but let's just talk about BJ today. I sometimes feel he wants to eat me kacha. *insert the same old dheet smile again* Oh well,  he doesn't leave any stone unturned either, during his endeavours towards driving me mad.

Eik tu I don't like eating and then he kept on bugging me during dinner today. I was on th brink of a huge break out, I swear. I was just this close to leaving my plate and walking away with anger. He kept nudging me while I was eating and God! Was that irritating. But then, I loved how I messed up his hairs totally and then started pulling at them. (Who'd say he's so many years older than me? *grins*)

He keeps calling me bil'li (a cat, that is). If not billi then Aiman. My name is NOT Aiman. I wish he'd stop calling me that, lol. I sometimes tend to forget what my real name is, huh? He insists I and Bj both are 'certified pagals'. He denies any relation with any of us. Yeah, right. *smiles* But he loves me soooo. And, he's the cutest person. The most seedha insaan on earth that I've come across. And he receives so many scoldings from papa and ami. Aww. I love you BJ. I don't really like when they scold you. Only I can be bad with you. *Insert an evil laugh*

I pray for you always always always. I pray for you to have a wonderful life, to be blessed with a gazillion more blessings from Allah Saa'iin, to always be happy, to be safe and, to have a strengthened faith in Him. I always pray for you, Bj and papa. You guys are the axis around which my life revolves. I love you guys so much. Yes, I am very arrogant at times, I know. *squirms* Forgive me, please. I really love you.

Mid-September night dreams..

Or was it mid-summer...? *grins*

Happy Birthday Z.
(Still a few minutes left for the date to bid farewell, till next year)

I wish you all the happiness in life. I pray to God that every single wish of yours may come true in a manner that is even more wonderful than what you hoped for.

It came. It went away.

Eid Mubarak. *smiles*

I have had a wonderful Eid- packed with joy and happiness. I want to write about it but... I'm out of words. Or perhaps, not in mood right now. But you get the point, don't you? *grins* I hope you had an equally great Eid.

The brief Eid break ends tonight. Back to work from tomorrow. *frowns*

The mehndi that A. put on my palms just yesterday whispered something to me just now. *smiles* It told me I've come a long long way. There were times I disliked henna. I liked how nice it looked on everybody else but I never wanted to have it on my hands. I was nothing even close to a girl. When I look at Eeman, she reminds me of myself as a kid. I gave my ami such a tough time. She used to worry about me so much. She often wondered, Kya hoga iss larki ka. She was especially worried about my dressing style. I always, always had my denims on and few of my favourite shirts that I used to wear over and over again. How much I despised the eastern attire. My ami used to request aunta to speak to me about it. She used to ask A. and B. to lure me into believing how good I looked in kameez shalwar and similar attires. And now... Look at me. *smiles and shakes head*

People change. Change is inevitable, isn't it? *smiles*