A part of me chipped away yesterday. And I didn't get a chance to mourn it even.
The part that chipped, an eerie fear has taken its place. It has dug in to me its tendrils, while sitting there innocuously... Or so it seems superficially.
I'm having trouble breathing right now. I can't seem to draw enough air into my lungs for them to feel okay. There's a violent riot going on inside my head.
B didn't lie to me. But he wasn't completely honest either.
Where did I go wrong?
And then there's that narcissist inside me that feels wounded because well, hello reality check, it wasn't enough.
No, I'm not the best thing to have happened to him.
A part of me wants to mock the other part of me.
I'm nothing.
Apparently, I'm so much of nothing that I wasn't even worthy of being told the whole truth.
Honest to god, never in my wildest nightmares did I ever see insincerity as a threat to our relationship. Yes, it brushed up against me very rarely during the worst of our fights but... not in its true sense.
Aitebaar... I'm in a daze.
Two days and a half perhaps, and I have hardly had 2 meals.
I've lost my appetite. And I've lost a part of me too.
Phaans chubh gayi thi mujhe aur uss phaans ko nikaalne ke bajaye kisi ne andar he ghoonp diya.
What's the half-life for a splinter?
A dense feeling of overwhelming helplessness has wrapped around me... you've seen how they wrap your luggage at the airport? In the cling film sorta plastic, right? Helplessness is that cling film and I'm a sorry piece of luggage.
A luggage that might be the last one left at the baggage claim, a luggage that might as well get lost and would never be claimed.
My self-esteem didn't need this. It was at an all time low anyway.
I've got a slit right above where my heart is inside my chest.
The voices in my head, they're whispering to each other, and sometimes to me... so many questions. Some even mocking me.
Did I fail? Just like that?
Was I really worth all this?
A part of me smiles - in disbelief. This all has to be a big joke. It's not real, right? It's...
