Kuch khusbu'ain, kuch aarzoo'ain

Har baar tujh se milte waqt

Tujh se milne ki aarzoo ki hai

Tere jaanay ke baad bhi meine

Teri khushbu se guftugu ki hai

Adjectives

Lonely.

Tired.

Sick.

Yupe, that pretty much describes me for now.

*a sad facepalm*

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If truth be told..

Looking at you today... I just re-realised what I'm going to part with... I reckoned my loss, and the gravity of it all, once again.

And all of it made me sad, sad to my deepest core, my friend- amidst all that laughter and frivol. The vapid smiles that I kept managing, I had to try very hard for them, very hard, you must believe me.

There are moments, during the darkest of despair, when I want to ask the 'whys', but then again I  realize that I retain no such right. So, I just look down at my feet and kick off some dirt listlessly.

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Of Birdiees and Sugar Rushes...

'Awwww meri poor birdieeee.. =('

*bats eye lashes like a 3 year old staring at some shiny sparkly stuff*

.... O bloody hell!

*dies of a blissful sugar rush, with an ear to ear grin*

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And a part of me died last night.

'Are we on the same page?'

'I can't say...'

'If we are on the same page, it'd be very scary... spooky.'

.....

'I think we are on the same page...'

-

How I wish we weren't.- or at least that you weren't on the page that I was on.

And my words left me then...

"What have we done, AH...? What have we done..."

"..........."

"What should we do now...?"

"..........."

Art movie

'Tum tou art movie bungai ho bilkul.'

'... Art movie? Kya matlab?'

'Haan, art movie- bohat he serious aur sober...'

'Achi baat hai.'

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Hisaab kitaab

Kar raha tha gham-e-jahaa'n ka hisaab

Aaj tum yaad be-hisaab aaye

...

Subha subha 'nuskha haye wafa' kaun utha ker baith jata hai yaar... *argues with self*

Glum chum, I shall be now. Hmph. Sighs.

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Shan-e-bint-e-Rasool (saww)

Bibi(SA) teri jageer hai jannat bhi, Fidak bhi,

Yeh jabl, yeh ashjaar, yeh paani, yeh falak bhi,

Bibi tere haq mehr mein shaamil hai namak bhi,

Bus teri zameeno'n pe bassi jaati hai duniya,

Sadiyou'n se faqat tera namak khaati hai duniya.

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Something about the not-so-good byes

Just received a call from Sloth...

Sloth called in to inform me that I... I am terrible with goodbyes. Lol.

Not that I wasn't aware of it. I know I am terrible terrible with goodbyes.

I just can't let go.

'I had an epiphany last night...'


'Here's the thing... You're fine with hi's and hello's... but goodbyes... you're terrible with them.'


'May be becuase goodbyes aren't as much fun as hi's and hellos!'


'Of course, they aren't. That's the natural course of hi's and hellos and byes'


'So i guess, you cannot blame people for being upset on that.'


'Darr lagta hai mujhey tumhe bye karte ho, depression mein daal deti ho mujhey...'


'May be because I plunge into the depression zone myself, and then I rub on to you...'


'It's like... hi's are normal and then when it's time for bye... you say, 'bye!' (vapidly).... and then you just die...'


-

So, I guess my emotional intelligence plunges to zero when it comes to goodbyes. Hm.

If my memory serves me right..

There used to be a tree.

Tall and beautiful. Lush and fragrant. It stood there, in that soil. With such remarkable majesty. Evergreen, t'was- never saw it shedding leaves, no sir. I never witnessed such a thing happening. The winds swirled around it like a silly lad head over heels in love. The rays of sun shined each day to caress its magnificence.

The tree, that survived the toughest of times; endured the harshest of seasons, the cruelest of storms.

Where is it now? Whatever happened, pray tell me?

The twinges portrayed in the tone of the query had it all, anxiety, inquisitiveness, apprehension, concern; everything.

A courteous, yet vapid smile crawled across your lips as you tried to recollect the past.

The sediments of bitterness were stirred to an abrupt awakening, and went berserk.

The tree... is no more.

You wished to your heart's core that your reply be adequate to satisfy the curiosity. However, the rather perplexed set of eyes before you depicted everything, save satisfaction.

A silent sigh escaped your lips, as you shook your head slightly.

The tree, you speak of my friend, happened to nest minuscule specks on its magnificent branches, which turned out to be some kind of seeds. Seeds that the naive winds brought along with them. Or perhaps, it was some of those wonderful birds that used to add a vibrant grandeur to that natural structure. I cannot say, for I was heedless in a certain manner. Too much bliss- it does that to you sometimes. 

I cannot say when they came, or where from. I cannot say how long they had been there. I only saw them when they showed themselves to me- and by then it was a little too late.

I became aware of their existence, only when they grew roots extending down from the branches. It was astonishing, or so I thought. I had never seen such a phenomenon before. They started growing aerial roots which twirled and twined around the trunk. 

I am afraid, I was ignorant and naive. I could not foresee. I did not see it coming. They were benign little seeds after all, that were to grow into benign creepers or vines perhaps. I did not know. I did not know what fate had in store.

The roots they coiled all around the tree. They grew; and they grew stronger and stronger, until they ended up strangling it. They killed my tree. 

What I perceived to be a harmless, if not mutually beneficial symbiosis turned out to be a figment of my foolish imagination, an illusion. An illusion that took away from me, for eternity, something that I cherished- rather, one of the only things I ever cherished. 

Those parasites...

The voice quavered, as if with overwhelmed emotions and a brief pause followed.

The words that followed were more nonchalant, and the tone firmer.

The tall, magnificent tree that you ask of, my friend, isn't here anymore. 

It's a memory now- A memory that, I am afraid, is fading away faster than I expected it to.

Silly Saturday

Well, I guess the Ice Age cannot really guarantee a lasting good time... the affect wore off.

It's not the movie's fault really. Those crazy animals sort of are rendered helpless if a person wants to feel nostalgic on his/her own accord.

I thought perhaps this weekend won't be like the usual. But yeah-  I was wrong!

I hate weekends.

I really do.

May be I should plan my weekends ahead, and have a huge to do list, so that I don't have time for introspect and all that silly jazz.

Just can't let go. I don't know what am I upto. Nobody knows.

I wish could bury my head in the sand for a very very very long time, and just stay like that.

Submitted my (temporary) escape application last week. I hope I get it. In desperate need to enlarge the circle I've been running in.

How do I love thee...

Let me count the ways, O Ice Age!

*chuckles*

I think I can relate to Diego. *grins*

'You did it, buddy, you kicked water's butt!'
'Nothing to it. Most animals can swim as babies, you know.'
'Yeah... but not tigers. I left that part out.'

TGIF

Notwithstanding, my new found hatred for weekends...

...Thank God!!

Showers

I don't like taking

Err... Yes, so I was saying, I don't like taking showers, and absolutely hate early morning showers. I also don't like cold showers.

But then I think today is an exception, I suppose. I took a cold shower early in the morning.... And it seems it washed away all the glum. For now at least, lol.

P.S. Yes, I was total glum when I woke up.

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Treacly twinges of bliss

'... Promise me (...), promise me that...'


*shakes head*

I'm keeping my side of the promise... I don't know why, but I am.

May be it was that intense tone. There was desperation, concern, and a few other things may be, I don't know. Whatever it was, it was beautiful.

I know it was a mundane request, but I'm keeping up to it. I know it doesn't really matter whether I did keep it or not, as I already said, it was casual request after all. Whatever it was, you put up a good show- it left me wanting to abide by your request.

Until next time

Why is it so bloody hard to let go, everytime- every single time?

I don't like good-byes.

I hate good-byes.

I know byes are only until next time, but... what if there is no next time? Who knows?

I don't want to spend my life under the shade of the bloody 'you never know' tree!

I'm so horrible with byes, even if merely until the next day. I just don't seem to be able to let go.

*agitated*