Treacherous and twined

I am a liar. I lie. I am deceptive. I deceive.

I am a terrible person, but you cannot see. You look at me but with closed eyes. If only- you could see me with your eyes open. You'd see I am telling the truth- for once.

-

And I heard her whisper,


'I wish the Lord had made you as beautiful on the inside as He did on the outside...'

Treat for sore ears, aren't you now?

'...Goodnight guppyfish. Sab theek ho jaey ga.'

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Tangled

Let's have a good long laugh at our fates, shall we please?

Time to wake up, lil mad birdie! Time to wake up.

Those moments when you're so uber-happy, and then something strikes you like a lightening bolt...

This happiness, this bliss, it doesn't belong to you. Will never. Oh no, sir.

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Come to think of it

I am not much of a believer when it comes to love.

Yes, that is true. It's kind of sad, though (may be)- yet true.

What is love anyway? Sleepless nights, listless days, uh? I feel that way too- when I'm unwell. Characterizing love with traits similar to that of some disease? Excuse me please, but I must 'lol' at this, or even 'rofl' perhaps.

Define love for me please, will you? Oh and yes, pray also do tell how is it diagnosed?

*shakes head*

Pfffft

So much for good times, eh?

That day was my last day in the series of best days. I thought I was on a roll. But it turns out I wasn't.

Hello, irritability. Bye-bye good times. So long.

Illusionist

Don't believe what I say.

This world, my world, is a make-believe world. A world, where the line between what is real and what is an illusion is blurring further with every passing second. There are things in this world that exist one moment, and do not , the next.

There is no way you can know if what I tell you is true; if the places, people, things, that I've told you about really do exist.

I'm the last person, you should believe in.

Do yourself a favour, don't trust me- with anything.

To root, or not to root

That is the question!

I think I'm high on hash brownies.

One of the best days yesterday... Or was it today... Or will it be tomorrow. *smiles* 

-

You're making all this rather hard for yourself. Immensely hard. You, my dear, are paving your way to the most intense kind of nostalgia. The one that leaves no space for one's present, or even the future so to speak. 

I fail to comprehend what you're doing, or why. All this seems to fall beyond the boundaries of my logic and understanding. This my dear, indeed falls far far outside the boundaries of rationality. I do not get it, and neither do you, I safely assume. However, what I know is only the fact that this is going to sting you back. Real bad. And, what frightens me most is that  you're going to end up wounded.

But- do you care, I look at you and wonder. I shake my head and smile helplessly. Look at you, still smiling the most vibrant of smiles. As if it isn't your absurdity that we speak of, but someone else's. It's almost as if these facts that I state are slipping off the surface of your mind- the soapy surface of your mind.

Listen to me, love; pray do. There is still time to spare, even if very little, but there still is. Let's just step back and out of this lovely reverie of yours. Let's return to the real world. The world where things aren't so dainty, the world where most of what you see is in grayscale. It's not pretty, I accept; but it is real at least.

All I want is a burrow, to hide myself in.

Sighs.

People.

Why do they have to be so shallow?

I don't like a lot of people. Most of the people. Let's just say I don't like people. And well, I don't think they deserve to be liked. All my hate for humankind is pretty justified I guess.

How can their minds and souls be so polluted?

Nothing you do can raise you in their eyes. You are a wounded fawn and they are hyenas waiting, just waiting for you to wear out.

I wish I could live in a burrow. I don't want to meet people, talk to them, befriend them. I don't know where have I come from. If I am from here only, then why am I not like the usual crowd.

I cannot take all this. I can feel fear slowly creeping into me. I've started doubting and reassessing myself for everything. I knew I was never a good person. But that was just about it. I wasn't evaluating every action of mine. I wasn't doubting myself for every word someone said about me. It didn't bother me. I wasn't afraid of being judged. And now, I am. I feel vulnerable.

I don't want people to see me. To talk about me. Not even say good things about me. I've lost faith in everything. I don't trust anyone.

I putting up a good show of strength and all. But I don't know how long can I feign. My shield's broken; and the spears are coming in fast and too harsh in my direction.

I think I once knew where my solace was, but I'm not sure anymore.

I know Allah saa'een doesn't burden a soul with more than it can bear; am I really so strong then? How old am I, twenty two? Was it really necessary for me to know so much about people so soon? Couldn't all these illuminating discoveries have waited for me to actually grow up?

If only I was bunny, living in my comfy burrow somewhere under the ground. I'm tired. Honestly, I am. It's always the same thing, the same level of shallowness; with new faces only. Why in the heck have I not gotten immune to all this?

I feel so poisonous; I'm afraid I might begin to poison everything else around me as well.

Ahh bummer, it's the nice-ness fit again.

B, Majworld, Ally, Sid, you guys are awesome!

*wide smile*

I don't really know what's gotten into me right now. This is your moment though, since I'm not so nice normally. =P

Aay musalmaa'n...

Aay musalmaa'n kaash socha hota
Kay Muhammad (SAWAW) ka nawaasa hai yeh
Halat-e-sajda mein hai baykas-o-majboor bhi hai
Aur kaee roz ka pyaasa hai yeh

Boli Zainab(SA) zulm Shabbir(AS) pe dhaanay waalo'n
Patharou'n kay talay ma'iyat ko chhupanay waalo'n
Haye kaandhay pe uthatay thay jinhein Khatmay Rasul (SAWAW)
Meray us bhai ka laasha hai yeh

Jis ka Ghazi(AS) na raha aur Ali Akbar(AS) na bacha
Bhai ki laash pay khul kay jisay ronay na diya
Aaj matam sar-e-bazaar jo hum kartay hay
Issi Zainab(SA) ka dilaasa hai yeh

Sayyedoun ka bhara ghaar baar jalaya kyun hai
Bibiyon ko sar-e-bazaar phiraaya kyun hai
Tu ne tou yeh bhi na socha ke jo qaidi hain banay
Paak Zahra(SA) ka asaasa hain yeh

Main hun Zainab(SA) mujhe Haider(AS) tu sumajta kyun hai
Sun kay khutba mera mal’oon bigarta kyun hai
Boli Zainab(SA) ke yeh khutba hi nahin sun aay Yazid
Paak Quran ka khulaasa hai yeh

Saani-e-Zahra(SA) ki Akhtar yeh ataa hai tujhko
Noha likhnay ke liye dard mila hai tujh ko
Tere alfaaz mein hai Fatima Zahra(SA) ki dua
Tera andaaz judaa sa hai yeh

Alive- and for how long sir?

This world, it does not stop for any one, does it? Let alone stopping, it does not even slow down.

And death... It appears to be the only truth that remains afloat above this vibrant ocean of fallacious life.

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It's a rant, you can pass.

Holy tabasco sauce... my cousins are weird. They are bickering. And not just bickering (bickering is okay), they're bickering over their facebook walls. O_o

I'm contemplating the idea of disowning them.

*disgusted look*

They are adults! Not just adults, big adults!

A couple of them quarreling over video games. MW3 is better, no BF3 is better. PC is better, hell no, my xbox is better. While the others are bickering over the definition of adjectives like... take 'sharp' for example. The argument over video games and consoles was reasonable, until one of my cousins started bloating himself with all the big talk about his oh-so-awesome system specs.

Yes, we know you tech savvy Einstein, you got the best machine. BUT we ALSO know that you screwed your last system by overclocking it a little too much. Fried fish, 'twas. His machine getting fried was funny. *a brief pause* Ah well, it was for me! *rofl*

*huge agitated sigh*

I'm playing BF3 these days. It's alright. RUN didn't tickle my fancy either. MW3, I haven't tried yet. Although, I don't think BF3 and MW3 are supposed to be a lot of fun in single player. They're supposed to be played online, innit? But, anyways.

I would like to go to a gaming zone. Like the GHQ at atrium or the Tribal near the old metropolitan hotel. But I severely doubt the odds of that happening. I'm going to add this to my dream journal.

I went to arw's today. It was fun having lunch with her. Even my friends are like me, uber lazy. Especially arw and me, we are Garfield. I, however, like to think that I might be giving even Garfield a competition at laziness.

Although, sloth likes to disagree. Sloth says Garfield's lazy but he also likes eating. I don't like eating. Sloth doesn't want me to be Garfield because the sloth wants to be the Garfield.

I think I just felt a little irritated at the beginning of my rant post.

My cousins are pretty normal. Pretty cool, actually. No, let's just stick to normal. =P

Haye, what would I do without them? My good-for-nothing cousins. My one reason why I don't need a lot friends from the outside world.

♥

I'm really weird.True story.

There's something wrong with me.

There must be.

*facepalm* Why else have I started attracting weird crowd in here?

Weirdo-magnetism, much?

Such a bummer. *sulks*

P.S. Please stick to the content of the posts or the blog itself; do not cross talk, if you aren't able to do it in a decent manner. This is my blog, not your goddamn facebook account or wall, or whatever that good-for-nothing networking mess has to offer.

P.P.S. Something really absurdly hilarious happened today. Do you happen to know a person who has missed an exam, like accidentally or something?

I think I am going to miss you.

I really am.

Ali Un Wali Ullah

Yeh mai-e-wilaa humne barri shaan se pi hai

Humse jo bachi thi ussay Jibreel ne pi hai

Meesum ne issay charr ke sar-e-daar pe pi hai

Shab roz Abuzar ne jilaawatni mein pi hai

Is maikaday kausar ka faqat eik dhani hai

Yeh maula Ali hai, yeh maula Ali hai, yeh maula Ali hai.

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Humsafar chahiye, hujoom nahin

Zindagi se yehi gila hai mujhe

Tu bohat dair se mila hai mujhe

Tu muhabbat se koi chaal tou chal

Haar jaane ka hosla hai mujhe

Dil dharakta nahin tapakta hai

Kal jo khwaahish thi aabla hai mujhe

Humsafar chahiye, hujoom nahin

Ik musafir bhi qaafla hai mujhe

Kohkan ho ke Qais ho ke Faraz

Sab mein eik shaks he mila hai mujhey 

Life with socks on

Running (for your life) with your socks on is fun.

You accomplish two tasks.

1- You try not to fall and break your nose or head, depends which way you fall.

2- You try to run for your life, duh!

So I came to know that I not only wear two different shoes at times, but I've also somehow managed to wear two different sock altogether. They weren't even slightly similar- one was this irritating sort of pink while the other was purrrple. *feigns shock*

Oh, the purring reminds me that I'll be getting a kitty once I quit. Err... Which... I will soon. Yea. *coughs and tries to disappear* The sloth keeps throwing kitties at me but hey, I ate all those. *shrugs* So, will get one for myself when I.. quit.

I want to speak to my shrink. Right NOW.

ZZZzzzzzz... *Goes to sleep*

Life and associated silliness.

Winter winds are so *tries to come up with the exact word* comfy. No. That's not the precise feeling that I have in mind. They give you such warm fuzzy cozy feeling inside. They are soothing, to say the least. They're beautiful. Distracting. They almost have this ability to teleport you to another dimension; where there is only you and nothing else. Yes, I am a person who likes being alone, a lot.

I want this moment to freeze. This isn't the best. Not at all. There have been better- a lot better. Yet, I still want this moment to stop. Because I doubt what might come next.

Winters always mean trouble for me. Big trouble. But this time around it is really weird. I think know for sure that I am going to compromise. Why? Because I cannot allow myself a choice. There's too much at stake. And since I am the most insignificant of all things at stake, I'm going let go off myself.

Somethings happen too late in life. They become such a tease- the bloody what-ifs in capitals.

Some decisions in life are so freaking hard, you do not want to take them. You'd rather stall- for eternity. But you cannot buy that much time, can you?

You are walking down the road, you know your destination. But you do not wish to go there anymore. You now wish to walk into some uncharted territories... But you cannot go there either. If I were you, I would have stayed right where I was, wouldn't have moved even an inch in either direction. Would have spent my entire lifetime right there. I would have done exactly that, if I could have. Yes sir- there's the catch; could've. You cannot stay there.

I wish there was a third direction, I could have thrown myself into.

Have you ever had a wish that you could not pray for? Yes, a legit wish that you didn't have the courage to beg Him for. A wish that wouldn't have granted you the wealth of haft aqleem, but would have saved you from a deadly remorse. Yet, you cannot allow yourself to ask for it.

All in vain. Everything is useless. Utter vain.

I do not wish to spend my entire lifetime in regrets, remorse. What if these regrets never efface, even in the face of happiness?

So, I am going to pay for a slip I made over a decade ago. A wrong decision that I took then. I was a kid; and isn't it a little too late to punish for something done so long ago? Isn't it a little unfair? This is backstabbing with a slight modification, if you please; and backstabbing isn't cool. But I cannot complain. I own no such rights. I am but such a lowly creature after all. These are my sins- paying off.

Remorse, eats you on the inside. It's a parasite. Slow poison. You won't even know you're dying, until when you are actually on the brink of death.

'Isn't life grand', asks the sloth. 'Grander', I reply.

I am going to stay where I am, for as long as I can. I am not going to give in. I don't care what my destination is. I'll be there when I'll be there. For now, I am here. And I'll stay here. I am going to stall it for as long as I can.

If regret is my fate. Then let's face it. Let's look it in the eye.

Anyways, I think I'm gonna go and goof off around the house and bug my kin a little.

P.S. This incoherence- it is my life. Exciting, innit?

Pigeons, ostriches, and whatever else you can fancy.

I need to get this out of my system... I really do need to get this out.

Who should I talk to? Who should I talk to? Runs amok like a loco ostrich.

*frowns*

I don't like ostriches. They look goofy.

Should I talk to massi... She's understanding, and she has a vague little idea of what's going around. And I've tried lying to her by telling her that I'm A-okay- I don't think she believes me. But, no! I doubt its work-a-bility.

Crap.

Pigeons! Yes, pigeons; my ol' pals. 

*sulks*

Where will I ever find a pigeon at this hour of the eve? Not at my window sill, I'm sure. And let's suppose even if I do by some weird fluke, I cannot expect it to be awake for me- that'd be so demanding of me. Not a good idea. No more pigeons will befriend me anymore, if this news spreads- which is very likely, since pigeons are blabbermouths, I tell you.

*call*

*hangs up*

Shikaayt... Lol, gruphy says shikaayt when she means shikayat. Funny.

So... yes, back to the pigeon story. Nope- bad idea. *scratches it*

Pigeons are goofballs, says the sloth. I agree.

... Sighs. This isn't going to get any better, is it? There's no way. Who would've thought? Who could've thought?

Thought of the day- everyday these days.

What have you gotten yourself into, my love? How are you ever going to get out of it?