Life and associated silliness.

Winter winds are so *tries to come up with the exact word* comfy. No. That's not the precise feeling that I have in mind. They give you such warm fuzzy cozy feeling inside. They are soothing, to say the least. They're beautiful. Distracting. They almost have this ability to teleport you to another dimension; where there is only you and nothing else. Yes, I am a person who likes being alone, a lot.

I want this moment to freeze. This isn't the best. Not at all. There have been better- a lot better. Yet, I still want this moment to stop. Because I doubt what might come next.

Winters always mean trouble for me. Big trouble. But this time around it is really weird. I think know for sure that I am going to compromise. Why? Because I cannot allow myself a choice. There's too much at stake. And since I am the most insignificant of all things at stake, I'm going let go off myself.

Somethings happen too late in life. They become such a tease- the bloody what-ifs in capitals.

Some decisions in life are so freaking hard, you do not want to take them. You'd rather stall- for eternity. But you cannot buy that much time, can you?

You are walking down the road, you know your destination. But you do not wish to go there anymore. You now wish to walk into some uncharted territories... But you cannot go there either. If I were you, I would have stayed right where I was, wouldn't have moved even an inch in either direction. Would have spent my entire lifetime right there. I would have done exactly that, if I could have. Yes sir- there's the catch; could've. You cannot stay there.

I wish there was a third direction, I could have thrown myself into.

Have you ever had a wish that you could not pray for? Yes, a legit wish that you didn't have the courage to beg Him for. A wish that wouldn't have granted you the wealth of haft aqleem, but would have saved you from a deadly remorse. Yet, you cannot allow yourself to ask for it.

All in vain. Everything is useless. Utter vain.

I do not wish to spend my entire lifetime in regrets, remorse. What if these regrets never efface, even in the face of happiness?

So, I am going to pay for a slip I made over a decade ago. A wrong decision that I took then. I was a kid; and isn't it a little too late to punish for something done so long ago? Isn't it a little unfair? This is backstabbing with a slight modification, if you please; and backstabbing isn't cool. But I cannot complain. I own no such rights. I am but such a lowly creature after all. These are my sins- paying off.

Remorse, eats you on the inside. It's a parasite. Slow poison. You won't even know you're dying, until when you are actually on the brink of death.

'Isn't life grand', asks the sloth. 'Grander', I reply.

I am going to stay where I am, for as long as I can. I am not going to give in. I don't care what my destination is. I'll be there when I'll be there. For now, I am here. And I'll stay here. I am going to stall it for as long as I can.

If regret is my fate. Then let's face it. Let's look it in the eye.

Anyways, I think I'm gonna go and goof off around the house and bug my kin a little.

P.S. This incoherence- it is my life. Exciting, innit?