I am feeling a little disoriented. I need to get myself busy, I suppose. But then, I do not believe that would help much. No matter how busy I am, I almost always get time to put myself on pause and mull over things. And then there are people who don't have time. Ha. Do you want to know one kind of excuse that ticks me off? Never tell me, you 'didn't get time'. Tell me anything, and I will welcome your excuses with a smile. Just never tell me that. So anyways, I am assuming getting busy won't work for me.
I am not sad, you see. There isn't any reason to feel sad, not really. And about feeling happy, I cannot say much. I don't know, probably I am swaying somewhere in between the two. Although, most probably I am supposed to be feeling sad. I should be found around wearing a thick blanket of despair. But, I am not. And may be, this is what that is actually irritating me. Not feeling woeful when actually I should be. I feel apathetic. Indifferent. And I am not liking it. I have always longed for indifference and now that it has come to me, I feel smothered in its tight hug. I am just irritated. I will be fine soon, Insha'Allah. I know. I will be fine. However, I have always wondered what 'fine' is? 'I am feeling fine'. How do you feel when you 'feel fine'? I don't really think 'feeling fine' is an emotion. You can either feel happy or sad or something of that sort but 'fine'- I am not sure. If some one asks me how am I feeling now. I'd say, 'Why, thank you. I am feeling fine".
I had fun last night, you know. Eeman, Amnah and the very badmaash little Hamza. Oh! I love them. They are the cutest little things. All three of them are in such contrast with each other. Total 'udham', I tell you. *smiles*
I wish I was a person who looked at the bright side of things. They call it 'optimism', yeah? Whatever that is! *dull smile*
I had the interview(s). That's another interesting story, you know. I will tell you, may be in a day or two. I don't feel like writing right now.
Good day!
2 comments:
so 'didn't get time' phrase can be used to tease u :p think indifference comes when one is in sad state for sometime. so finally indifference comes..Gud, u had fun with lil ones..nd guess u can be a optimist.Its a trait that can be learned or worked on..oh, so interviews again..Hope this time they were better than the first attempt :)
Yes! I abhor that phrase! I can 'learn' optimism? Great, that'd be nice. I am tired being a cynic, you see. Oh and the interviews! No, I don't have any new ones, just had 1st and the 2nd at the same place and... baqi I'll post the details :)
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