The last three years

Fall/ Winter '14: 
He was drifting off and I was latching on to him like a person whose life depended on it.

Spring/ Summer '15: 
He left and I eventually accepted that I cannot make him stay.

Fall/ Winter '15: 
He realised he might still love me, but there wasn't much left to salvage now. While I hysterically rummaged through relationships to fill up the colossal void that I was left with in my soul.

Spring/ Summer '16: 
All my relationships were hysterical lies told by a person gripped in fear of being abandoned again and/ or ending up alone, to herself. While he decided he needs to walk back into my life and I should allow it.

Fall/ Winter '16: 
He fights me to let him in, while he simultaneously fought his case with his family. He wins.

Spring/ Summer '17: 
I am a person losing her grip on reality and sanity; hanging in a limbo - of perpetual anticipation.

Fall/ Winter '17: 
We turn into horrible versions of ourselves, while love takes a back seat and cringes.

-

It hit me as I was stepping into the same elevator I had stepped out of 11 hours ago as I head off to work.

I realised what he had said. What last three years? The last one year, yes perhaps, I will not defend that. But the two years before that? No... How can he say that?

Mere thought of it wrings my heart off life - sends out a spasm of agony that pierces the soul.

So, I thought I needed a recap.