Nothing is OK.

The last two weeks of my life so far, have been excruciatingly tough on me.

Nothing is OK.

My personal life had been going south since quite a while now, but work life has followed suit too. The race is on - which one further devastates me first.

It's been three odd days I guess; I've been tearing up and/ or feeling on the verge of bursting out in tears and cries almost randomly - irrespective of the time and place, not to forget the context.

I was driving to work, I burst out in tears. I was driving back home, and I noticed the warmth of tears rolling down my cheeks. I was sitting in a meeting, listening to my director's opinion on a matter and teared up.

Truth is, it hurts. It hurts unbearably much.

It hurts that your life partner does not stand by your side. It hurts that I've been wronged time and again, and yet I have been condemned over speaking against it. It hurts that instead of being told that whatever is happening with my life is unfair and it shouldn't have happened, I'm being told to suck it up.

It hurts. That I'm not being comforted but confronted.

Who do I blame though? This person who does not even acknowledge whatever is happening or has happened, is wrong? For this person, whatever is happening is absolutely OK, it's well justified, it's acceptable, and reasonable.

The least that could have been said to me was, "I know whatever is happening is not fair, but I'm here by your side - I know this is unfair to you. But please, can you bear with this for me? I wish I could've not let this happen, and I am ashamed that I cannot do anything about it. But I love you, and it's hurting me too, to see you get hurt. But please, for me. For us. Hang in there."

But no. This is too much to ask for. Given what I'm worth, after all. I shouldn't forget.

There's another truth that I've stumbled upon very recently.

This hurt; it's not because of my mental health, my depression. This hurt is real, not abstract. This hurt is what any other person, with a perfectly healthy mental state would feel too, if put through the same that I am going through lately.

Yes, I may have been diagnosed with depression, but this (what I'm feeling lately) is not it - this is simply just 'getting hurt' by people you love, and people who profess they love you.