Mariz-e-Muhabbat

Unadorned days and unembellished nights. Life is back to "normal" again. The pain has subsided and the tears have dried up. I suppose, we have learnt to deal with our "selves". I suppose, we have come to terms with the hide and seek our woes and happiness have been playing with us. We had to. Eventually. 

Irada Tha Tar'ke Muhabbat Ka Lekin
Faraib-e-Tabassum Mein Phir Aa Gaye Hum
Abhi Kha Kay Thokar Sanbhalne Na Paye
Ke Phir Khayee Thokhar Sanbhalte Sanbhalte

So, this time I decided to dive into the river of indifference earlier than usual. Indifference is my only shield against this world and "my own self". It is always my last resort. I needed a distraction. But any and every mundane affair of life was not proving to be enough.

Aray Koi Wadaa Khilafee Ki Had Hai
Hisaab Apne Dil Mein Laga Kar Tou Dekho
Qayamat Ka Din Aa Gaya Rafta Rafta
Mulaqaat Ka Din Badalte Badalte

In one of my previous posts, I was suggested in a comment by Ubaid to revert to music. I told him it made me nostalgic which, by the way is exactly what it makes me feel. But then last night as I was listening to FM, I realised I was listening to all the wrong genres of music. I had to turn to the kind of music which suited my mood but was anti-depressing simultaneously. And voilà! I found exactly the right stuff.

Unhein Khat Mein Likha Keh Dil Muztarib Hai
Jawab Unka Aaya Ke Mohabbat Na Karte
Tumhein Dil Lagane Ko Kis Nay Kaha Thaa
Behel Jayega Dil Behalte Behalte

I have also realised that what is killing me (or "trying endlessly" to kill me) is something within my self. It is not a novel discovery though, I have known this for quite a long time now. For the sake of pin pointing the culprit, I must admit that it is my "expectations" that have been stabbing me. And my oh my! Do they know where to stab me to make me wail my heart out. Cruel things, I tell you. I have also often wondered why do I feel a sudden sting in my eyes. Then I realised that they are the hopes that came crashing down and shattered into a thousand minute splinters and smash into my eyes every now and then.

Hamein Apne Dil Ki To Parvah Nahin Hai 
Magar Darr Raha Hoon Yeh Kamsin Ki Zidd Hai
Kahin Paaye Naazuk Mein Moach Aa Na Jaye
Dil-e-sakht Jaan Ko Masalte Masalte

I have to confess. I am my own enemy.  I should slay my own expectations before they slay me. You know, people do mistakes and then blame it on others. But my tragedy is the fact that I have no one to blame but myself. Technically speaking, people have not hurt me much. I wound my own self. Only and if only, I could contain my expectations, I could be content. It is not that hard.

Woh Mehmaan Humare Huwe Bhi Tu Kab Tak
Hoyi Sham'a Gul Aur Na Doobe Sitarey
Qamar Kis Qadr Unko Jaldi Thi Ghar Ki
Woh Ghar Chal Diye Chandni Dhalte Dhalte

It is not that easy either. I am obsessed. I am possessive. I am touchy. I am irascible. How many broken ends will I mend? How many wreckages will I repair? How many fractures will I plaster? How many ugly scars will conceal under my masks? How many lesions will I bandage? How many wounds will I heal? How many glitches will I fix?

Mariz-e-Muhabbat Unheen Ka Fasana

Sunata Raha Dam Nikalte Nikalte
Magar Zikre Sham-e-Alum Jab Ke Aaya

Charagh-e-Sehar Bujh Gaya Jalte Jalte

Oh forget it! To hell with my whimpering.  It is just that..... Munni Begum is so awesome!! =)