Dry Ice

I am back.

I am holding my happiness with all my might. But you know, happiness is just like grains of sand that can never be clenched inside our palm; the tighter we hold, the quicker they slip away from tiny crevices of our fist. Funny! I often wonder is it the happiness that runs away from me or is it me? I can never blame others  for adorning me with grief. For it is always I who chooses sorrow as my embellishments. I am hypersensitive. And that is what brings me, everytime, at the doorstep of misery. It's self-inflicted, I tell you. I have realised, I am too fastidious, too fractious and this makes me so volatile.

What am I?

Dry ice!!

 Highly volatile, either solid or gas, no intervening liquid form.

The only thing that stands between me and my contentment is.... I, myself. So, how do I eliminate this obstruction? Let's replace the word "obstruction" with the name of the obstruction. Here it goes: So, how do I eliminate myself? How do I remove this road block? Oh no, no! I am not being suicidal. Haha!! I need someone to heal me- heal my soul. Or as a matter of fact... My mind!! I need a psychiatrist!! Or may be I just need someone to talk to. But the dilemma I face is that I CANNOT, I repeat, CANNOT TALK to ANYONE. No matter how close someone gets to me, I can NEVER confide in them. The reason, you ask? Ha! Well, the reason, my dear is, the moment I say something I really mean, something I really feel like; people stare back at me with eyes wide open as if they doubt my sanity. They think I am a lunatic. But you know, even if I, someday, find someone who understand my  apparently insane thoughts and feelings; I still might not be able to TALK to him or her. It is probably an inherent limitation. A possible cause why I write a blog. Hmm... Anyways, here is Bulleh Shah's kalam, for some reason it is spinning round and round in my head at this moment.

Tere Ishq nachaya Kar Ke Thaiya Thaiya

Cheti aa'vin Ve Tabiba, Nahin Te Main Mar Gai'yaan

Cheti Bawdi Ve Tabiba, Nahin Te Main Mar Gai'yaan

Tere ishq ne dera mere andar kiita

BHar ke zeher payala mein te aapey piita

Jhabde bhaudi ve tabiba nahin te mein mar gai'yan

Tere Ishq nachaya Kar Ke Thaiya Thaiya

Chup gaya ve suraj bahar reh gayee aa lali,

Ve mein sadkey ho'van, deven murrje vakhali,

Peeran mein bhul gayian, terey naal na gayian

Terey Ishq Nachaiyan kar Ke thaiya thaiya,

Aes Ishq De KoloN, MenuN HaTak Na Maa'ye

Laho JaandRe BeRe, KehRa MoR Liyaa'ye

Meri Aqal Jo Bhulii, Naal MahaaniyaaN De Aayi Aa

Terey Ishq Nachaiyan kar Ke thaiya thaiya,

Aes Ishq Di Jhungi Vich Mor Bolen Da

Saanu Qibla Te Kaaba, Sohna Yaar Disenda

Saanu Ghaayal Karke Pher Khabar Na Layi'yaan

Terey Ishq Nachaiyan kar Ke thaiya thaiya,

Bullha shoh ne aaNda, menooN Anayat de boohay

jis ne menooN puv'aaye, cholay saavay te suhay

jaaN meN maari hai aDii, mil piyaa hai vahi'yaa

Terey Ishq Nachaiyan kar Ke thaiya thaiya,

Tere Ishq nachaya Kar Ke Thaiya Thaiya

I am not even going to TRY to translate this and neither will I use translations available over the web until and unless I find "the one" that's best. Translating this would take away so much from it. It will be just like getting gold polished; it can shine brighter but in reality its layers will have to be scraped off.

I write irksomely long posts, you say? Yes, correct it is. But then this is my blog, I shall do as I please. Thank you. =P