Umm... Not Sad, nope!

I am NOT SAD. I only wish I knew how my life manages to change gears in mere split seconds. One nanosecond I am ecstatic and terribly bewildered, the next. Some days Everyday(unhappy or not) I wish I could pack my expectations in a barrel and fill the barrel with hefty amounts of Francium (which, I just googled out, is the most explosive element in the periodic table)  and throw it in a sea. Now, you might wonder why on earth am I wishing to use an extremely rare explosive element and not flaming it. That is because Francium reacts with water!! Duh!! =P  If not that, I wish I could throw a bag with my expectations in it in a crater of a highly active volcano and watchand scoff as the lava devours my expectations. If not even that, I wish I could fling my expectations in a crazy tornado which rips them apart ruthlessly. Or may be if I could abandon them in a scorching desert and let the sands swallow them slowly but surely.

I am NOT SAD; this is anguish only. I have a beautiful life, Alhumdolillah, for which  I can never thank enough. I just want to escape from my expectations. I wish  could have sealed them in an envelope and posted it to Never Lands. Not the Never Land that Peter Pan grew up  (Oops I forgot people did not "grow up" there) lived. But the Never Land from which nothing ever returns. I often entice myself to believe that I should not expect more from people, whatever love/care is being showered upon me by them is momentary; it will soon cease to be. I try uber hard to beguile my heart and soul and occassionally, I succeed- or I assume I do. I often drown these absurd expectations in deep waters. I stand over and watch them while they drown, air bubbles pop on the surface of those dark waters and suddenly they stop. A smirk runs across my lips as I assure myself of there demise. But suddenly a bubble pops up and proclaims my defeat; the smirk vanishes and a void adorns my eyes.

I am NOT SAD, really. I just wish not to expect anything from anyone but, wishes are wild horses, aren't they? If not that, then atleast I should let others know what I expect off them. I cannot even do that, can I?

Anyways, I am NOT SAD.

[Or may be I'm M.I.D = Majorly In Denial (as Monique puts it in Kim Possible) =) ]