I feel on the edge these days. Agitated to the core. It's... It's tragic. My last week with my parents... at my home. The only place in this whole wide world that I can still call 'home'. And I feel so wretched.
Ammi mentioned about me being in a furious mood all the time. I'm a ticking time-bomb. You'd never know and something you'd say could make me go off. I've been acting so deplorably with both my parents. Especially when I should love them as much as I can and gather as much of their affection to last me however long it will be. Because these are the only people in my life right now who love me no matter what.
But I'm not very much in my senses. I feel ungrounded. My mind is a hot mess, not so different from my life itself. I end up venting out at them in the most wrong and undeserved ways. I feel so sorry! I feel so helpless! Everything just keeps adding to this profound feeling of self-loathing.
I blame him for all of this. I'll probably never forgive him for this madness that has seized me - that makes it so hard for me to breathe.
He has no realisation of how his actions and behaviour have morphed me into the worst possible version of myself.
Life will go on. I'll get back to normal again... whatever normal refers to, that is. I'll start talking again. Life as we know it will resume, once again. But all this, that has happened will leave scars on me. And I'll remember.
I'll remember that somebody fucked my head up so miserably that instead of cherishing my last few days with my parents before leaving for another year perhaps... I fucked things up.
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