I need a manual

Bohat saaray dukh hain yaar, bohat saaray. Lekin koi sun'nay wala nahin.

Kaash yeh saaray dukh jamma karke kisi thailay mein daal ker samundar mein phenk aasakti mein.

Mein inhe apne saath nahin rakh sakti mazeed.

-

I didn't go to work.

I'm not feeling good.

I couldn't have sehri today. I sat at the table for a while but couldn't get anything down my throat. Couldn't even have a single glass of water.

Have been locked in the room ever since I woke up.

Head's started to hurt now, as well as my eyes.

I am wondering who should I ask to be a little more considerate towards me if not the people who love me? Should I be asking strangers to be more sensitive towards me, is that what's supposed to be done? I'm very confused. Because I was censured for asking somebody to be a little sensitive.

I don't know who else would try to make me feel better if not these people who claim to care about me.

I just had a bad day... It was just a bad day. It wasn't even in my control. So, why was I punished for it. It was just a bad day that tainted me a little, and I failed to pretend that I was fine, that everything was fine.

I think I need to make myself understand that I'm not allowed to have a bad day. I'm not allowed to feel a little down and low.

Or not. It's actually just that I'm not allowed to let others know about it.

Sigh. I won't now. I will just need a lot of strength and a lot of patience. To bear everything alone, on my own, without ever letting it show.

That shouldn't be hard.