I am supposed to be working.

I'm tired of being lonely.

And, I'm tired of being around people... *smiles vapidly*

Exhausted, actually - So would've I told you, had you stayed to listen.

-

Such an unsatisfied soul I have turned into.

I've lost so much. And everything that remains is fading out, slowly but surely. Allah saeen, family, friends, loved ones, inner peace, the slightest essence of life, all's lost.

Iss qadr iztaraab hai ke sumajh se baahir.

Zindagi kaise flip karjaati hai eik he dum mein youn achanak. Sambhalne ka mouqa bhi nahin deti.

I want to go back to the States. I know, coming back from there last October, I had almost sweared upon my own life never to return; but now I want to. I miss being around bj, rayyan... these are my pretexts.

Loug qurbaaniyaan kion dete hain? Kya haasil hojata hai? Izzat, aqeedat...? Aur woh jo zindagi bhar ke malaal haath aatay hain, qurbaan kiye jaanay wali cheezoun ka gham?

Dosroun ke dil tootne se bachanay ke liye, apni zindagi ki azeez tareen khwaahishat qurbaan kardi jaayn tou kya hota hai?

I've lost my zing - the factor that was me, that made me, me! I cannot concentrate on anything, anymore. Eik saraab ke peechay bhaag rahe hain hum. But can you blame us? Will you blame us?

Can you blame a weary desert traveler, beaten down by thirst and the scorching sun, for his mind's nasty illusive tricks? Can you blame him for chasing mirages, and hoping against hopes?

Hope's a nasty thing. Umeed jo marti nahin, insaan ko maar deti hai aksar.

S's in Istanbul, having loads of fun mashaAllah. She's one lucky gal. My cuddle monkey! *smiles* Knows how to get what she wants. May she always have what she wants, and for the better. Ameen.

Mein bohat zaalim hon? Nahin tou. Shayed... Nahin. Yaqeenan. Nahin yaar, mein zaalim tou nahin; bas halaat... ne aisa kardiya.

Aap khatarnaak had tak bigri huwi hain muhtarma. Aap chahti hain aapko pyaar kiya jaaye, aapka khayaal rakha jaaye, chahay aapka apna rawaiya kitna he na rawwa kion na ho. Aisa nahin hota yaar... Aisa kaheen nahin hota.

Aapko meri yaad nahin aati?

Mujhe khwaab nahin aatay... na burray na achay. My sleep, it's nothing but darkness. A vaccum, not even static. Time, wasted. I wish to have dreams while I sleep. I once asked Bambi to sell some of the many dreams Bambi sees almost every night, to me.

Mujhe neend se kya dushmani hai? Na sirf apni neend se, balke dosroun ki neend se bhi. *sighs*

Meine kya kiya hai yaar?

Kisi cheez mein dil nahin lagta - na deen mein, na duniya mein. Duniya ko tou jhoonko aag mein, yeh jo Allah saaeen aur apne beech itni duuri le aayi ho is per kion ghour nahin karti bibi?

I must go and work now. Office bhi jaana subha. Don't want to sleep, might not as well. Dinner bhi nahin kiya. *takes a deep breath*

Feel like reading punjabi poetry.

Uski muskurahat kitni pyaari hai na. *sighs and smiles*

Allah Hafiz...