For Papa Jani, With Lots Of love.

There is only about an hour left for the day to pass away. It is Father's Day, right. First of all, I am not a very big fan of associating particular days with particular relations and especially with relations as ethereal as that pf parents. However, I will do this Happy Father's Day thing. So, until I am done with this testimonial of mine the date would have passed but umm.. I'm running my clock on the Brazilian standard time for the time being. =) Because... My father is in Brazil these days, silly. Hehehe.

My father. My papa, actually and baba for my bhai-jaans. I will not say anything about being a good daughter 'cause I really doubt that possibility. But my papa jani is the best father that a person like me could have got. I am a very sinful person yet Allah Sa'in's mercy and bounty knows no limits. I am this horrible person who has a high tendency to hurt those who love me and even those whom I love. I tend to hurt others for no reason that relates to them. It is crazy with me.

There are times when even my ami jani finds me hopeless and just shrugs her shoulders at me, walks away and stops speaking to me. It really hurts. It hurts because I am an attention seeker. I throw tantrums because I want people (who love me, of course) to prove to me time and again that they love me. Demented, you think? You have a right to say that because I agree with that proposition. Love is never enough for me, I always want more. I think that is some kind of complex too however, I have no idea how it became a part of my personality. I am flawed and this trait is one of the the most major flaws.

My papa on the other hand, is always always always ready to welcome my tantrums with open arms. When I am annoyed and I act all serious and grave. It bugs him. He starts asking me what's up with me. I, of course, do not give him a satisfactory answer and then he starts questioning my mother about me. He does not rest until he finally succeeds at making me smile (laugh most of the times).

I bet it is only him who can make me laugh in the most grim-est of moods. He has something in him... He makes some weird faces that are usually an imitation of my weird face.. He says some stuff and he makes it so hard not to laugh or smile. Then I usually give him a tight hug and rush into my room or the bathroom and start crying and curse myself for causing my parents so much pain.

There is this idiom in urdu "jaan chirakna", I have got a father who literally does that. We even have fights. Almost always I am wrong but those very few times when he is wrong he literally comes to me and tries to appease me.

Oh God! Papa you are spoiling me. You know what scares me? What scares me most is the fact that I have been pampered and loved so lavishly but my papa will not always be with me. I will have to marry and be with someone else. This extravagant love showered upon me has made me lose the sense of balance between things. I look at everybody wearing the same specs that I use to look at my father. I presume unreasonably that those who love me will love me with the same intensity. But this is not true.

When I look at my father, my parents actually I thank God for he has blessed me but when I look at myself I realise that they might not be as lucky  to have me as I am to have them in my life. I love you, papa. And I am missing you these days. FIFA is no fun without you, however I will watch it and update you. I am not even watching the Asian Cup. I am glad that we watched French Open together, by the way I don't like Serena Williams at all- I have no idea why you like her! Hmph!

Allah Sa'iin, I am really sorry. Please forgive me. I have been bad over and over again. I have sought your mercy and yet committed the same sins again and again. I have no idea how you forgive me. All I know is that though my sins make a hideous heap but the mountain of your mercy is always always taller. But Allah Sa'iin this time forgive me in a way so that I may never return to the filthy waters of vices. I am sorry.

I love you, Papa.  From your chhota driver.