I have realized I am madly in love with him. I've come to the conclusion that only he has the power to make me happy, or sad.
And I've also come to the conclusion that I am extremely terrified. I love him dearly. And perhaps that's what frightens me. I am afraid of him(?).
I'm hiding behind this facade of arrogance. Because I'm scared of vulnerability. I can't allow myself to be vulnerable.
I cannot love him. I cannot care for him. Without opening myself to him - which would mean compromising the barricades I've built around myself.
Tears roll down my face as I write this. I feel a gripping sense of terror and helplessness.
He thinks I don't care about him, rather that I can't care less.
What have I become? A monster.
I'm making my nightmares my very reality with my own hands.
I'm scripting my own end.
- Nov 6
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